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I just went through a serious breakup and my guy friend is already hitting on me...?
For the past 1.5 yrs (since age 18) I have been dating my childhood BFF. I couldn't be with him anymore mostly due to his parents & I just broke up with him a few days ago. We still love each other & are both devastated, but I know it can't work; but he won't give up & says he will always wait for me. We agree we'll always still be best friends.
For the past couple months I've been spending time & playing guitar with a new guy friend (who is by the way 10 years older), it's obviously platonic b/c of my BF but I've gotten a crush over the past 1-2 weeks. We hung out yesterday for the 1st time after my breakup (it's only been a couple days) & he was more snuggly, gave me a wee kiss on top of my head, & his hand brushed across my boob at one point (he had his arm around me watching tv). It seemed accidental but I know guys well enough to know that kinda thing is usually intentional, especially if they don't jerk away & apologize!
Even though I'm single now this seems way too fast. My ex obviously doesn't want me dating, it's not technically his business but I care about his feelings & I don't want to move on too fast & hurt him worse. I also question why my friend would start being so flirty so soon instead of giving me time.
Is my friend just trying to hook up? I'd think so after yesterday, but we are friends and he knows/cares about me. Should I stay away to be respectful of my ex? I'm overwhelmed with confusion & a horribly heavy burden of guilt.
What do I do? Thanks :/
3 Answers
- 6 years ago
This is a serious break up you are having, and you need a cool down period. Badly.
Cuddling with another guy, who is 10 years older, is not going to help you at all. This guy knows you are vulnerable and available, and will take things as far as you will let him. If you all into that, you will just become dependent on having that kind of affection.
let me put it this way; The pain you feel after a break up is very real on a physiological level. Being near someone you love, having their affection and caresses, releases endorphins, and other drug like neurotransmitters in your brain that make you feel good, just like a drug. And just like a drug, your body adapts to having that stimulation - so when you don't get it, you go into withdrawal and feel pain.
What you are doing right now is finding another way to produce the pain killers your body wants. I know it is comforting, and it is nice, and you might feel like you need it, but you are essentially building an addiction, and will have difficulty ever being on your own if you continue this trend.
So, yes, your friend is hitting on you because you are available and vulnerable, and he is obviously attracted to you. Don't let things go in that direction. Don't be alone with him. Don't let him hold or kiss you. You need time to heal, and that means time alone. Overtime your body will adjust, and you will be ready to move on.
- ?Lv 76 years ago
This guy is pushing 30, and flirting with a teenager who he knows is in an emotionally vulnerable state. He's not your friend, he's a vulture. He has probably been waiting for his chance the entire time you have known him. If you want a rebound, that's your business. But this guy is not a safe choice. Stop talking to him and move on.
- 6 years ago
Firstly, being best freinds will not work if you two aren't together anymore. It will only prevent you from moving on. If you two are only breaking up over parents, then maybe it is time to stop being like kids and letting them control you.
Secondly, yo should have a mature conversation about boundaries with your guy freind if you aren't ready.
