Why Do My Parents Hate Me?

Question

So I'm a straight A student, and I got 2 Bs on my report card recently. When my parents saw that they exploded. They started saying how I'm worthless, that all I do is stay on my phone, I have no life (I'm 13...how am I suppose to get a life?!), and they always compare me to my cousins (who don't even get the grades I do). They're always yelling at me, and they never try to understand me. They say I'm in a bad mood everyday but it's because of them!! My little brother does bad things, and they never do anything to him but yell at him and take his wii away for 2 days. But besides that, they're always telling my brother how much they love him, how great he is, etc. When it comes to me, they don't say anything good. I say bye to my mom everyday before I go to school and she ignores me. But when my bro says bye she's like "aw bye I love you!" I feel like the most worthless person in the world right now. My parents don't understand anything, and they say that everything I say is a lie. They don't believe anything I tell them and I just want high school to come and go fast so that I leave the house. They yell at me to clean my room, and to clean the living room, dinning room, both kitchens, my bros room, and all three bathrooms while they let my brother stay his wii all day. They complain that my life isn't nearly as stressful as theirs but in reality my life is really stressful, and they make it worse. I don't hate my parents but I don't necessarily appreciate them. Any advice?

Coach Simon · Answer

Or maybe she is embarrassed because she did not have the academic success that you are enjoying (well done!!). Maybe her own mother treated her this way. When things are quiet, try to take her kindly back to her own childhood and how felt was when her mother ignored her etc. It is really third rate parenting, of course.

Here are some general suggestions I make to younger teens in case you might get some helpful ideas from them. Ask to have a serious discussion with your parents about how they see things panning out in the coming months and years. It needs to be fairly rational, so if one of you becomes too emotional (e.g. angry) it would be best to time out and try again another time. Prepare in advance what you would like to say and ask: write a plan, even.

As you reach each birthday, for example, or each new school year, what rights, freedoms and responsibilities will you have? Chores, pocket money, curfews, dating, etc. will all come into it, obviously. You can't really expect something for nothing, so think about what you can put into the family and household as part of your negotiations as to what you can get.

If you are to grow into a responsible adult, it must be a gradual process: if they keep you wrapped up in cotton wool and then suddenly let you out of the box at eighteen, you won't have enough experience to know how to handle it.

That said, your parent(s) is/are responsible for your safety and welfare during this time: no doubt they love you and they themselves have the experiences you don't yet. Seeing things on t.v. and hearing your friends' (exaggerated?) stories aren't quite the same.

If they don't want to do this, ask them if they will please consider a plan and talk again in a week or so. All plans need to be a little flexible, as unexpected things can happen, of course.

Hopefully this will show that you have a maturing attitude to your family and your life.

Good Luck!

Call 1-800-4ACHILD if in the U.S.A., or Childline (0800 1111) in the U.K.  No doubt other countries have similar free phone lines.

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Why Do My Parents Hate Me?

1 Answer