Was it rude of my friend to dismiss the death of my grandfather? How do I respond?

People respond differently to death and grief, and they often use their own experiences as a point of reference when they learn about someone else's loss. Perhaps your friend had a strong connection to her mother and a distant or complicated relationship with a grandparent, hence her reaction to your loss. You had a different type of relationship with your grandparent and so what you are feeling is totally valid for you. For some people, who do not have a relationship with a parent, the relationship with a grandparent is so very significant and so that loss is felt at a very deep, personal level. It is understandable why you were upset by your friend's response. Best you can right now is allow yourself to grieve, process what has happened, allow the memories of your grandfather to help ease the pain and in time you might want to talk with your friend about the significance of your loss. Emphasize you are not comparing her loss to your own, but rather create an understanding of the loss of a loved one, knowing it is a process and individual to each of us.

First of all I am so sorry for your loss.

Your friend was rude to write that to you. Do not respond right away to that message. You are going through a crisis right now and one of the worst things you can do during a crisis is make snap decisons or comments because they could lead to unintended consequences.

I have no doubt your friend misses her parent. Maybe what she said to you was her way of saying how much pain she is in. Maybe she feels people should help her more. Maybe she needs grief counseling. Save it all for a later discussion. Maybe later on when you are both calm you will both help each other with your grief by discussing this calmly. And she has no right to judge your relationship.

Go through your grieving process now. Funerals are for closure. Get the help and solace you need for your family and friends. Think about what your grand dad taught you and the lessons you learned.

While her comments certainly harsh and uncalled for, your friend is hurting. Maybe feels you/others weren't there for her when she lost her mum. Maybe she feels her loss has been brushed aside and people are telling her to "just get over it." your grief is fresh and raw, she's likely doing the best she can.

Grief is a very individual journey. Not everyone responds the same, there is no timeline when it's over, and the only way out is through. Find compassion for your friend and yourself ~ treat her as you would like to be treated. Maybe she feels unsupported and pushed aside.

Honestly i can't think of an appropriate response here. Don't get into a "my grief is worse" fracas publicly or otherwise, that's just adding insult to injury. Sometimes it's best to keep your peace.

How really rude and insensitive. She's no friend of yours, that's clear. Don't respond to this. Silence is golden, and it should be the silence on the entire friendship in my opinion. The loss of anyone is painful. It is not a competition. Sorry for her loss too, but it does not trivialize yours!

Some people are just more blunt than others. This isnt about you and it wasn't meant to hurt you, im sure. She is stuck in her own head and her own pain. You can ignore it or even better yet tell her if she needs to talk you are here and can relate. Im sure that will make you guys connect more and heal faster

Yes...extremely rude of her to say, VERY Rude. What comes around goes around, and one day she will truly see how you felt losing your grandfather when the same thing happens to her. Shame on her.

She's just feeling resentment. She wants to make a point that her situation is "worse" than yours.

You should tell her how you feel about her comment.

Alternatively you could get even and just be incredibly rude to her until you feel that you're equal.

yes, that was very rude and she wouldnt be my friend after saying that