I just found out that my son is getting married in two days and I'm not even invited. Should I just show up?

PLEASE do not risk permanently alienating your son and his future wife by crashing his wedding. I am so sorry you are going through this. I'm a mom, and I understand. We do our best to give our children a solid start in life and hope that they will hold onto the values we instilled as they get older. Often, this doesn't happen. As kids get older they are exposed to more things in life....many of the same things we tried to shelter them from when they were young. It is hard not to take it personally when your own child makes lifestyle choices that directly contradict the values they were brought up with. But it is truly not about you. Its just part of growing up and experiencing different things.

I am sure your son loves you very much, just as you love him, but both of you dislike the way the other has acted. This does not have to be a permanent break in your relationship. Let the wedding day pass...give it a few weeks....then reach out IN KINDNESS AND IN LOVE, not judgement. Your son is an adult who is about to be a father. Trust that you raised him well enough to know that he will be good husband and parent.

I would also like to say that as someone who shares a relatively conservative view on things, I have learned that being conservative does not have to mean being narrow-minded. With too narrow of a view on life, we close ourselves off to a lot of wonderful people who may be more open-minded than we are. I am not saying that you need to abandon your morals or values, but being too judgemental of others often hurts us more than anyone else.

I truly wish you the best. Good Luck.

Whatever you do, don't show up to his wedding. There's a reason he didn't invite you - it's supposed to be one of the happiest days of his life! He certainly won't be happy with you criticizing him and his new wife. One thing I'd do is take a long look in the mirror. There's a reason your son has moved away from your ideals. They were likely stifling and so old-fashioned that they no longer apply to modern times.

Your son is his own person, not an extension of yourself, as so many other people here have pointed out. If you want a chance to know your grandchildren, you better make amends. Even then, if you've insulted both him and his future wife as much as I think you have, you'd be lucky if they even listen.

I know I'm being very blunt in this answer, but it's because my boyfriend and I are like your son right now. His mother is so conservatively religious that there's nothing I could possibly do to please her (short of becoming a crazy religious lunatic myself), so I've given up and flat out said she isn't going anywhere near me or my children, when that day comes. My boyfriend has agreed to all of this, as hard as that is for both of us. Even if his mother were to attempt to make amends, she would never really be included in our lives. Just try to think about what your son's going through with all of this. Would you really want someone this toxic in your life?

I suggest talking to your son. Don't just show up though, it may make things worse. This seems bigger than a wedding. The main thing you can do is to do some thinking Reflect on why you don't like his future wife, think about the big picture. Is it petty? are you afraid she's going to hurt him? What exactly is it. Once you pin point what it is take yourself out of the "mom" shoes and look at that as if they are just people. What would you think of their relationship. If you don't see him in any danger then try and pick out what you like about her, give her a chance. Honestly no matter what it is, (unless she is hurting him) I suggest putting it aside. You don't have to like her but you letting your son know you respect their relationship will go along way. I know you probably are getting a lot of "hate" for this and that's not what I'm trying to do. I think most people are just trying to help restore your relationship with him, and that may not be able to be done in two days. Not seeing your son get married must seem devastating and I am sorry if thats what happens, but its better to focus on not missing out on the rest of his life.

You've not talked to or seen him in two years and now you're hurt? Why would you even want to be there under the circumstances, knowing what happened between you and how you dislike the lady he has chosen? Sounds like you're a lot more interested in the position of mother than the actual relationship with your son. Or maybe you think you're losing face once people realize you weren't invited. Either way, it's done.

No, you don't just show up. You obviously would not be welcome since you were not invited. You need to find a better time and way to connect with your son and his new wife than barging in like that. Pull that stunt and I'd just about guarantee you never talk to them again. Don't be that person.

If nothing anyone else has said has convinced you, consider this: your son told his sisters not to tell you he was getting married. If you show up, he'll know how you found out the details, and then they'll be mad at you. Do you really want to risk losing contact with all of your children because you'd rather try and force things to work the way you want them to work than deal with them as they are?

If you really want to fix things with your son, then you need to quit treating him like an extension of yourself. When he chose a woman who didn't share the values and morals you raised him with, that should have been a sign to you that he was moving away from them himself, and that by attacking her you were also attacking him. Either send him a letter to apologize and see if he wants to respond, or decide that you're never going to be able to agree to disagree in a civil manner and leave him be, but don't think that having raised him to be the independent adult he is now means you get to control how he handles that adulthood.

No. You don't just show up to someone's wedding without being invited. It's a private party and you are not entitled.

If you had wanted a wedding invitation, perhaps you should have thought of that before you spent all that time and energy vomiting your disapproval and intolerance all over him. You were disrespectful to the women he loves (and to him), and you never learned when to shut your mouth.

When people act like that over and over again, it's pretty normal for others to cut you out of their lives.

Your opinions and religion aren't the problem. Your behavior is.

If you want to be treated with love and respect you need to treat others with love and respect - even when you disagree with them.

M gave you a great answer. Do that.

You're an awful Mother. You were never SUPPOSED to like his partner, but she's YOUR SON'S partner so accept her as she makes him happy. You saw her as a threat because she was stealing your little boy away from you. I'm probably right in saying that he's the youngest, and he's probably hated you for longer than you even realise. Parents like you make me sick.

Oh and religion is some ******* ********. The bible says the Earth is 6,000 years old, and the Qu'ran suggests around 5,000 years - so the 4th millennium bc, the start of the bronze age and the era of the invention of the potters wheel, so good one. Show me where your holy books explain why an 800,000 year old ice core was extracted from the Antarctic.

There are 37,000 species of spider, so that's already 74,000 animals to get on the arc before you even finish arachnids.

There is no all-seeing all-doing being that would create such a vast a beautiful universe and then create a creature on earth that hatches inside another insect and sucks it dry from the inside, just to mature to adulthood. If your 'god-like' being does exist, he's a chaotic maniac. Cancer in children, the mere concept of rape, strange and torturing lifecycles, seriously what is there to believe in.

Oh yeah your son's wedding, yeah don't go.

You may be his mother, but if he didn't invite you, then you should not go. Sorry but you have not spoken to him for several years. Being his mother doesn't give you the right to attend his wedding if you have not been invited.

You say you don't like the girl, you got kicked out of your son's house, and yet you THINK you should be invited to a wedding where you will not be welcome???? What do you hope to gain? You think you can pretend you are happy? I doubt it.

How about just sending them a card with a gift certificate or check and be done with it.

What did u say to her? It must've been bad for him to do that.

you haven't talked to them in over 2 years . Why would they invite you to the wedding?you should've attempted to make amends way before now.

Don't show up unannounced . Ask to have to dinner with your son and apology for whatever you did to Hurt their feelings . Tell him you would like to attend but respect his decision if he doesn't want you there.

You should be more worried about having a new grandchild that you probably won't be able to meet in a long time

My Son Is Getting Married