Who should be the one to shut off the light?

I think it should be whoever is up last. If I go to bed first, then my husband should make sure doors are locked and lights are off. He rarely goes to bed first, but if/when he does, then I take care of it. Putting away dinner leftovers is almost always him because I do almost all of the cooking (so he does cleanup), and he often goes back for seconds, so he's the last one to be into the food as well.

If your wife seems to feel that it's your responsibility to do those things, I think you should start doing that when you go to bed. If that's two hours that she sits in the dark before she comes to bed, too bad for her. If you turn it off and she turns it back on, then you tell her that she can get up and turn stuff off again, since you already did it. At the very lease, lock the doors when you go to bed. If she leaves the lights on all night, then they stay on all night. If you keep giving in, she'll keep taking advantage.

Last one to leave the room. Only common sense.

really, your wife is that immature that she's tuning this into some sort of power struggle?

Try this...regardless of who's first to bed....lock up. For safety's sake. Then go to bed. Sleep with a sleep mask over your eyes-many do and all lights can be blazing...won't matter a whit to you...

If she leaves food out, dogs ungated, lights on well she'll wake up to dogs who have run amuck, spoiled food, and the electric bill ridiculously high......plus a lot of blown light bulbs...and a husband who refuses to deal with the aftermath of her laziness. Simple as that.

"my wife leaves the lights on, food out, doors unlocked, dogs unrated, etc"

If you are still up, it makes sense for lights to be left on where you are. ANYONE who leaves a room and isn't planning to return immediately, should turn off the light.

Whoever takes out the food, should put it back unless someone else is going to eat/use it. At the least, the person who cleans up the kitchen (which should happen before everyone goes to bed) should put the food away.

Either of you could lock the doors. I used to forget to lock mine at bedtime, so got in the habit of locking them all the time. When I enter my house, I lock the door. It's not because I'm paranoid, but that way I know I won't go to bed and forget to lock it.

Last one to bed should let the dogs out to potty one more time, and then crate them for the evening (if that's how they sleep). They should be allowed to relieve themselves as late as possible, so they aren't uncomfortable during the night. I let mine out one last time around 10pm, or if I fall asleep early, when I wake up I take them out regardless of what time it is (11, 12, 1am, etc) and they don't go out again until around 5:30am.

It doesn't make sense for her to leave all of that for you, when she could do at least some of it. It doesn't make sense for you to know she's gone to bed and ignore all of it, and go to bed leaving lights on, doors unlocked, dogs untended, etc. Surely two reasonable adults can figure out a routine to shut the house down at night.

The lights should be turned off by the last person up. The rest are certainly things that could be done by whomever. It's not any more fair for you to sneak off to bed leaving her with all the lock-down and put-away, then it is for her to go to bed with the lights on. For my husband and me, we do those things as a wind down before bed. Either or both of us. We don't keep tally.

food out: the person that used it last. However, if its from dinner, then you need to work out this. usually, in our house, one cooks, the other cleans. However, the cook does clean as they go.

Dogs? not sure what unrated means, but I would say you need to work this out.

Lights, locks, etc. THis is part of "locking" up a night. The last person should do this.

Install motion senor light swiches

I can sleep with the lights on and if the doors are unlocked , the dogs should be out .

Yeah, I got a suggestion for you. Don't marry an immature, unreliable brat.

Oh, ooops, my bad. Looks like you already fvcked that one up.

You need to teach her to do things because you want them. That's it. She should not be angry, she should not look to make up self-serving rules, she should not be applying double standards. She should be doing it because it makes you happy.

She should do it under the circumstances you stated.