When do you know if you want to separate?

Question

So I have been with my now husband for over 5 years. We have been married just over a year now. We met when we were in high school Our relationship has had its trials. His parents didn't approve of us dating at first, my religion disowned me for being with him, pregnancy scares..but through it all we have always been loyal and faithful to each other. Years go by and we are growing up trying to become adults. I'm naturally very ambitious and he is to be frank, lazy. I've always had to push him in life, everything from getting his license to getting a job. We move into out first place together and two months later, he decides to just walk off his job because he didn't like it anymore. Ever since then, it's been a train wreck financially. All the while, my love never fades, if anything it got stronger..Fast forward to the past 6 months and I do not have that same love for him. All of what he has done and continues to do has put me at my wits end. I'm not going to bad talk him, but I feel like I am raising and teaching a small child how to become an adult. And I'm over it. He loves me with all his heart, he would do anything for me. I know this to be true because of the things he has done for me over the years and what he still does today. I love him as well, but I'm not sure if it's the same love. I always communicate with him when something upset me, but this will send him over the edge. What should I do? I'm feeling more that I would rather struggle on my own.

MM · Accepted Answer

"I always communicate with him when something upset me, but this will send him over the edge."

And you think walking out without first making it crystal clear to him that you are done being his mom and need a partner who will take your financial situation seriously (along with whatever other responsibilities he's shirking) is going to get a better reaction?  It's not necessarily going to change anything, and it may very well be that what you got out of the relationship in high school isn't going to be what you need as a full adult.  But if you love him, at least do him the courtesy of warning him just how dire the situation is and what it would take to fix things before you give up.

seedy history · Answer

He's your husband. Suck it up, deal with it, help him transition into an adult and hang on. You might not be perfect either. You say you both love each other.... love changes it's face a hundred times in life in a hundred ways but that's honest and real and no reason to quit on a wedded spouse.

Rebecca · Answer

I myself am dealing with the same feeling to be honest with you i would put the kids to bed and sit him down and tell him how you feel and you both decide what's best for your marriage. Good luck

Carmen · Answer

it would be nice if he could change, and your if your gentle guidance helps that's good. But if you 2 have a child will he work to support you and your future children? or make you work and support him? its going to be best for that reason that hes not lazy.

ronbo · Answer

got married to young. but that is beside the point now. read book  his needs her needs by harley. it fits perfect for you.

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When do you know if you want to separate?

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