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I wrote this stanza. Thoughts?
It would still fell, till the day it fell still;
continuing to fine till not fine.
I wrote out its will, without right, without will
not to mire itself to the Mire.
5 Answers
- Lapiz DominoesLv 76 years ago
This can be interpreted on too ,many ways
for ease of understanding
or even to rightly flow;
too many metaphors, too much wordplay
but you might simplify it
yo iys and your readers benefits, both.
If you forego the urge to continuous double - entendre metaphor
and first write simply
them make a poem of it
it could be very interesting
but not as it stands..it is almost, `untoward`..so to speak.
So - work on it again?
Source(s): Lapiz D. - 6 years ago
An amateur attempt at a play with words, just make it simple so that it's more easy to understand, otherwise the reader will not get what you are talking about. Good try through.
- Anonymous6 years ago
An attempt at cleverness which disappears up its own fundamental orifice.
Tantamount to gibberish.
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- Anonymous6 years ago
I found it quite difficult to follow... There was no imagery to allow my mind to see what you were trying to convey...