I feel like my friends hate me?

I made a lot of bad decisions that I regret making and I really have low self esteem. I always think everything:s my fault and apologize. Anyways, I have a group of friends and we all hang out. I'm a girl by the way, and I dated one of my friends in the group. She was a girl. She asked me out and I was surprised because she was bisexual and I wasn't so there weren't any chances but I was curious so i agreed. But we broke up because I left her to date another guy.I felt so guilty and sad that I begged to leave the group because I didn't deserve to be in it. But they wouldn't let me out. So I continued to stay. But ever since that incident, I feel as If they hate me. When they talk about things I don't know of and I try to include myself by just laughing along if I don't know what's going on. For example, they all laugh so I would laugh also but they give me look "really?" And I feel excluded. I'm always pushed out. So one day I couldn't stand it any longer and decided to speak up. Once I did, they asked if I was seeking attention and that if I wanted them to feel bad. I replied saying I just wanted them to know and that it wasn't my intention to make them feel bad. But they continued on saying it seemed like I was pointing them out and seeking for their attention. So I apologized because I asked to forget everything. I know for a fact they hate me. Like i said, I did a lot of bad stuff. Do they hate me? Should I leave ? I honestly cried so hard because no one understands me.