How do I break it to my friends and family?

Question

So I plan on going to a counselor to discuss this further, but for now I'm starting here.

I'm a 23 year old male, and I've been having bad headaches for the past several months, and I went to the doctor a about 7 weeks back. After many tests and biopsies and one surgery, they have come to the conclusion I have a brain tumor and from the looks of it and how it has responded to tests, it is a malignant tumor.  I've had many talks and more tests with doctors since then, and they feel that the tumors proximity to my brain steam makes it inoperable, essentially making it terminal brain cancer. More tests will need to be done to get a better idea, but a rough estimate suggests I've got approximately 18 months to live. The first few days after finding this out were hard on both me and my direct family but I've come to terms with what is happening and I've figured if this is how it's going to be, this is how it's going to be. I do not live in a state with Right-to-Die rights, and I don't plan on moving just to accommodate that, but I have decided I will not be receiving treatment.

How do I break this news to my extended family and friends? I'm close enough to some of my friends I consider them part of my family. Some of them do indeed know I have cancer, but they do not know it is terminal. How do I tell someone I am going to die likely by the end of next year?

DeAnne · Answer

Plan ahead and make decisions now , so the burden wont fall on bereaved family members.  Have an attorney draw up a will and medical directives for you.

=If you eventually become a vegetable with no brain activity, you dont want expensive heroics of keeping your body alive by machines.  Sign an organ donations card; give one to doctors, one to hospital and one to family.  Probably some of your organs won't be negatively affected by brain tumor.

Do you want a funeral service, memorial service or nothing?  Flowers and music or no?  Burial (can cost thousands) or cremation ($300?)  Ashes kept or scattered somewhere?

Ask a pastor to pray with you so you can be born again.  Once this tiny slice of time has passed, you will want to live forever in heaven with a perfect body.  I can hardly wait for that, myself!

Find a good Bible-believing Christian church and talk with the pastor.  Baptist, Pentecostal, Nazarene and interdenominational churches are all good.

Instead of a funeral notice, have family everyone to your "homegoing celebration" which sounds so much nicer.  You are not DEAD; nobody ceases to exist. You have just moved from a temporary, fragile earth body one into your perfect body.

You're going Home, to Him, to Heaven, you'll be Healed.  Hallelujah!!

mildred f · Answer

It seems very unusual that at your tender age, whatever that is, you have not told your family everything.  Just saying this sounds really odd to me. When I had cancer years ago, I couldn't stop telling people, and cried every hour.  Now that's a normal reaction.

april · Answer

Well take that $450,000 you won in the Wisconsin Lottery and have a big gettogether at disneyland before you revert back to an infant Benjamin Button. Your age has already regressed 4 years in a very short time.

Well tell "hunter" it'll be over very soon with gbm..there is no "caught early" with gbm.. often it starts as a different tumor and degrades into gbm before it's found. Privacy?? Puleeze

thinkingtime · Answer

What sort of tumour? 'Malignant' is just a detail. There's no problem with a tumour near your brain stem. Mine was scraped off. Funny how you haven't mentioned it before. That's not at all the procedures for my tumour.

And you posted that you are 19 a couple of months ago..

Anonymous · Answer

How do I break it to my friends and family?

alex · Answer

First of all Im sorry it has to be like that life is not really fair sometimes but I think you should just tell them that way they'll come to terms with it faster. Good luck with everything

Matt · Answer

5 months ago you were 20.
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6 months ago you were 18.
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And now you are 23 with a chronic health issue.  I am sorry, but you are (at best) 18 and just graduated high school.  You do not have an inoperable brain tumor or any other type of cancer.

Some of us on this forum actually care about people who come here with legitimate questions and are looking for help.  We have no tolerance for people who want to get some sort of silly validation or attention.

Craftylass · Answer

In spite of dealing with diagnostics and surgery for the past seven weeks, you've been quite chirpy in your questions.

In other words, I'll say it quite bluntly:  BULLSHIT.

tale · Answer

If you care for them; please do share your worries & you will realize it that is just overly concern for the breaking news. Face the facts that treatment is an alternative to get well.

Anonymous · Answer

basically have them over for dinner and once you all have eaten are still sitting around just tell them whats going on. that's honestly the most comfortable  way of doing it. I wish you all the best of luck and I am so sorry about your cancer.

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How do I break it to my friends and family?

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