Was Mother rude to "out" me?

Question

I went for a last-minute trip to visit my parents.  They had already made plans to have their friends for dinner.  I was too tired and had too much work to do, so I told my mother that I'd just work in another part of the house during dinner.  I told my mother that I wouldn't come say hello to their friends, as I looked terrible and would make a bad impression, although I told her that I knew it was polite to say hello.  I even parked far away so that nobody would see an extra car and figure I was there.

So...during dinner, I stayed in my bedroom and worked.  It was perfect.

Mother let me know, the next day, that she had told everyone that she had invited me to come to dinner, that I had declined, and that I was in another part of the house, working, while they ate.  Their friends asked, "would it take a committee to get [me] to come eat with them?"

I'm mortified.  If I knew that they knew I was in the house, I would have gotten dressed up and come down and spoken.  I feel like a rude jerk, although it would have been fine if my mother had simply not said anything.

So...was my mother rude?  (I know I was, but if the friends hadn't known that I was there, there couldn't have been any offense.)

Thanks.

guitarrman45 · Accepted Answer

This sounds like a little mistake from all sides. I would just let it all go and ask your mom if she would apologize for you. You didn't know that they knew that you were there. Here is where you will have to humble yourself but it is best to do so. Tell them that it was just plain laziness on your part and you wish that it wouldn't have happened. Humbleing yourself to the entire incident shows that you are accepting the responsibility of the entire evening. Including the part where your mother made mention to the friends that you were there but weren't coming out to say hello. What that will do is heal the entire incident and remove all blame from everyone but you but you are OK with that. Just own the whole thing and let it go. And I'm sure that you won't want to do that again. It shows responsibility and maturity springing up from that which wasn't. You may even want to call them up and explain everything. I know that its a drag but it will remove everything that could be made worse later. It shows you owning up to everything and making it right even where your mother didn't help with you wanting your presence there to be a secret. Also learn from this that maybe your mom doesn't like these kind of secrets being kept made when there is no reason why they need to be made. She doesn't like living in that way and doesn't want to have to live her life by pretending in what you wanted her to pretend with. After all what would have happened if they were found out that they were keeping your presence there a secret? Now here is another hard one to take hun. It wasn't fair of you to put them through all of this and expect them to lie for you when they shouldn't have to lie. And they don't like lying about anything. It could have cost them their friendship with the people who came to visit. So they eliminated the lie and told the truth and handed the whole mess back to you.

Abigail · Answer

She was a bit rude but I'm sure she didn't do it intentionally...just don't do something like this bc maybe she felt put on the spot and so she cracked and had to say the truth or her side of the truth. This is a certain situation that you just forgive your mom and move on.
P.S. next time you know...tell your mom you'll get dressed and say "hello"...problems solved...lol...

Think.for.your.self · Answer

Yes she was out of line. She could have at least said something about how you were not in a state to see people or something like that.

How old is your Mom - is she capable of having a filter anymore?

I guess your Mom isn't someone that can keep a secret!

Don't put your self in that kind of sitiuation again around her.

Orla C · Answer

Your mother was way out of line. She shouldn't have let on you were there at all.

Instead of being mortified at what they think, you are perfectly entitled to be annoyed at your mother. She should have kept her bloody mouth shut.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes but I also think it wouldn't have killed you to say hello and explain that you have lots of work to do so enjoy their dinner.

TrustMe · Answer

No, your mother was being a good hostess (and a Mother) and you were being rude and insensitive.

Pearl L · Answer

i think she shouldnt have said anything too.

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Was Mother rude to "out" me?

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