Yahoo Answers is shutting down on May 4th, 2021 (Eastern Time) and beginning April 20th, 2021 (Eastern Time) the Yahoo Answers website will be in read-only mode. There will be no changes to other Yahoo properties or services, or your Yahoo account. You can find more information about the Yahoo Answers shutdown and how to download your data on this help page.
Trending News
Rate my horror story...?
I'm just started writing as it's something I've always wanted to do. My grammar is most likely bad.
This is a psychological horror short story. It's about a teenage girl that becomes a victim of a serial killer. The trauma of the event leaves her in a semi comatose state where she can physical response to stimuli but there's no mental or emotional response. One day she starts writing cryptic messages on her ward wall which the lead detective realizes that the killer has planned all his future murders and the girl somehow picked up on this through the trauma. She heals after time and stops writing but the detective places her in a bad home so she can return to her ill state to write the cryptic message. He feels very guilty about doing that to her but it's the only way to save lives. Eventually they catch him when the detective takes her to her home which was sold unknowingly to the killer. The killer was following her progress as she was a special to him, his youngest victim. The detective kills the Serial Killer but not before he kills the girl. The detective can't live with the though of her death and what he did to her so in the end he kills himself.
I'd like to hear your thoughts?
Here's some parts of it...
I stood in the centre of the dark room and watched her. It felt as if time had been stolen away, as if it had never been here at all. Her long matted hair, dirty and uncut hardly swaying as she scribbled on the walls. Skeleton fingers gliding across the walls like a maestro conducting a masterpiece. Unlike the beautiful sounds resonating from the bowels of the theatre, her words hid the nightmares yet to unfold.
If the shadows could tell their stories of the demons that dwell in the souls of man then her words tainted in black, are the stories they’d tell.
He had infected us all with his demented disease and we had begun to stink of rotting flesh. It was as if your parents had told you lies about the monsters underneath your bed. They did exist but not cowering beneath your bed hoping we’d be scare to death, they made their homes inside the hearts of men.
She had found her muse and it was eerily singing as she wrote. I realized then that there was still someone home but hiding in the shadows of those words. I spent days dwelling in that shadows, hoping my light will find that dear child. I did find something, something creeping around in those dark corners. It seemed that murderous Owl had left something more than just a repetitive nightmare, he had left a trace of his soul. A deformed shadow darker than the deeds of night and it was alive.
4 Answers
- mikah_smilesLv 76 years agoFavorite Answer
I think this is overwritten. It seems to jump from concept to concept, rather than transitioning smoothly between ideas. Every sentence seems to carry a different image. Eg: You jump from demons, to disease, to monsters under the bed, to muses.You also repeat certain words to excess (eg: shadows, dark, etc). I kept losing my place because each time I hit one of those words, I thought I'd already read that line.
I'm struggling to figure out the narrator. From your summary, I was expecting it to be the detective, but it sounds like a priest or a little old lady describing her. Eg: "... hoping my light would find that dear child." You don't have to start with a clear introduction ("My name is Joe Schmoe and I'm a detective with the NYC Police Dept") but we should get a sense of his voice from the start.
I'd figure out one or two really strong images, and expand on those (maybe the music theme and one other?). It would also help to set the scene before going into the philosophical stuff. Describe her first, then talk about her issues. It might also help if something is happening. What happens if she runs out of crayon to scribble with? Or if the watcher has to give her meds?
- ?Lv 66 years ago
Decent. A little too dramatic, almost like it's all impressed with its own self, you know? "I am the horror story that thinks it's Shakespeare; I'm so super fabulous." But all in all, it's pretty good. Keep writing!!
- Anonymous6 years ago
10000000000000000000000000000/10
