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Have you ever been in a controlling relationship? I need advice.?
I dont want anyone to say "just leave him" or put stupid comments. I want those who have experienced this to help me. I've been with my partner for just over a year. He's 20. Im 21. We're both young but mature. On our year together he proposed to me. He actually said "Will you be engaged to me" to which I said yes.
He's not a bad person. I do love him. We've had and still do have many amazing times together. We argue like all couples do and disagree but recently I've found him to be more controlling. I want a new car eventually and he's persuading me to get a BMW. To the point where hes taking me to look at BMWS, not allowing me to look around, he's ringing places on my behalf for BMWS and even offering to pay towards getting one but isnt this what he wants? I like BMWS but not as much as him. It's like he wants me to get one because he likes them and he can't even drive.
The next thing is he lives in a house with housemates. I've been staying over lately to the point where its every night. I havent stayed at my house for ages and I do miss seeing my family cause Im with him like every day. He makes me feel bad whenever I want to see anyone else or do other things.
If I do anything wrong, even minor things like taking the wrong left, he calls me names, critizes me, says things that hurt that I wouldnt say to him. If I did he'd flip because he wouldnt like it. I told him I couldnt do something once and he said I was weak and useless and "I knew it and so did my mum".
I pay my mum rent of £130 a month. He's saying that because I hardly stay there I should pay less. Im happy paying my mum £130. Shes my mum. He said "Im taking control of your finances and your not gonna pay her more than £50" and he wont let me speak. When I challenge him he'll say things like you dont know what your doing, you dont know anything, your always wrong, you'll come back and say im right.
All of this is so degrading to me and I do love him and like I said have many good times with him. It's just this. I dont know what to do or what to say. If I say anything he criticises me and make me out to be wrong or stupid. He'll make me feel bad and make me believe he's right and I should do as he says. So, if anyone has been in a similar situation, what did you do? Did they change? Did you leave? How?
3 Answers
- innieLv 46 years ago
Tell him let you get the car you want and when he learns how to drive, he can get a BMW. It's not his car so why should you be stuck with a car you don't want? What happens if you break up a few years down the line and you're stuck with a BMW? If you get it, he'll think of it as partially his. Trust me, you dont want that to happen.
As for visiting your family, let him come home with you. he's probably just attached to you. If you want to go alone, encourage him to spend a few days with his friends or something so that he's distracted. If you are desperate, make up a story how your family member is sick or misses you a lot and requested that you stay over. He should agree because you have a legit reason, not just because.
I think he makes you feel bad because he wants to be with you mroe than you want to b with him. That's okay but it's not healthy to spend too much time together or you'll go nuts! He probably thinks you have officially moved into his house and won't let you leave because he thinks you dont want to be with him or something. Tell him you want to spend a day shopping with your family and want to sleepover at home because you'll be out late. Or something. Good luck
- Orla CLv 76 years ago
Here's the thing: You don't want anyone to tell you the glaringly obvious, which is he's a ******** and you should ditch him and move on.
Well, you don't want to know, then. So you may as well resign yourself to a life with this controlling abusive Mammy's boy - and he won't change. Except to become even MORE selfish, controlling, abusive, the more you give in to him.
Up to you, it's your life.
- 6 years ago
My advice is.....yes he is controlling. Make a stand for yourself. Do not get the car HE wants!!!! You have to stand your ground and make him respect ur decisions. If you want to go home for a night or two GO HOME!! Don't let him control you,,,,,It will get worse if you don't make it get better!!! I promise!!