What do you make of this relationship? Just infatuation?

Question

I'm not sure what to think. I've known this guy for about 6 months via working in the same office, so we'd chit chat every day. Then after the 6 months he asks me out. He'd had an inkling for about a year that his gf would break up with him (and she did) which made him happy b/c then he could see me. He was just too timid to end it himself.

So I go out with him, it's nice, I agree to meet up again. I've always thought he was a great person and thought why not, let's see where this goes. Third date, he walks me to my car and admits that he likes me.  We chat throughout the day via facebook but not constantly (probably 10-minute spurts a few times a day). He often sends lovey emojis and says things like "Oh, had I known you were in town I would have invited you over today!" He had invited friends over but was willing to see me as well. I told him it's all right to hang out with your friends!

I feel like he's moving quickly, like wanting to be with me all the time, but he's just not the manipulative type. In fact, he's timid and not confident. So I'm more concerned that he's stuck deep in post-breakup infatuation (even though he was happy to be broken up with and saw it coming) and just can't tell that's where he is. And I don't want him to crash and burn later when he comes down from the high, but I DO want to stick with this and see where it goes.

What do I do?

? · Accepted Answer

Because he was waiting for his girlfriend to break up with him and was happy when she did, it's safe to say that it's not post-breakup infatuation- which only happens when the person misses their ex terribly and dates another to distract them. He was happy when they broke up, and was ready to start a relationship with you.

I would keep dating him and see where it goes. You don't have any direct proof that he's only dating you as a rebound. That seems unlikely because you two have known each other for a while.

Brett · Answer

First off I think you answered your own question. As I believe you have already decided to stick it out and see how it ends up.

but I will also say that you should try and keep things at a slow pace between the two of you. Because he is on the rebound and a lot of times when people are just coming out of a relationship they need someone to fill that void in their lives that is missing. you get used to having someone around. So take a deep breath and take things at a pace that is comfortable for the both of you. Just protect yourself from getting to hurt if he finds out eventually he needs a little time to himself after a while. but who knows it could be a great fit for the two of you also. 
Hope this helps.

Anonymous · Answer

Just be friends for a few months and see how it goes from there. Do not make the mistake of putting your life on hold for him. He also needs space between relationships. There is nothing better than being married to your best friend. Unfortunately, most people rush straight into the relationship part which is the reason most of them fail.

Tom · Answer

Honestly, it sounds like desire rather than potential love. He was in a relationship, he was too timid to end it himself, she had to end it. You think hes a great guy and start seeing him, you mention hes timid and not confident.

First of all, what does it say about his character if hes in an unhappy relationship and waits for her to end it. Second of all what does it say about you aswell as his personality, if you and him sort of like each other and hes only persuing it now shes broken up with him.

Hes too scared to end it with his girlfriend despite liking you and being unhappy. Do you not think that if it was true love he would have dumped her and perused you when he had feelings for you instead of waiting around until she ends it.

He is either timid and lacking confidence to make decisions about his own life and to pursue you and he does have strong feels for you. Or hes on the rebound and actually he liked you a bit but was with his girl and now they are over its easy because your their.

The first explanation, shows that he is a weak indecisive scared person. A guy lacking confidence and any such manliness. This is unattractive for any woman.

The second explanation says he doesn't really have any strong feels for you, or those that are strong enough for him to decisively end it with his girlfriend to pursue you. Meaning that this guy is essentially filling a hole. You are worth more than that.

Either way you need to decide whether you are looking at this guy in a normal light? are you desperate for someone thus seeing this guys unattractive lack of confidence and ability to make decisions as no big deal. Rather than seeing it as a sure sign of someone you DONT want to be with.

Or are you comfortable being in a situation with a guy that has recently ended it with his girlfriend. Is this healthy? is he just using you to get over her,  to fill a gap until feelings disappear? If you think he is then do you want to put yourself in this, esteem lowering situation, or do you want to make a valid assessment of the situation and maybe call things off. Until hes had some time to get over her..... things could still resume after that. Atleast then you know his previous relationship has no presence in your relationship with him.

I have provided all the potential answers, you decide which one you think applies and trust that. Regardless of this, at the moment it is desire and infatuation. It is defiantly not love.

Love involves him ending it with his ex, and pursuing you because when you irst met him you kicked it off straight away. Just try and picture how you saw yourself finding the "one " when you where a kid and ask if this is it.

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What do you make of this relationship? Just infatuation?

4 Answers