Why I don't have a maternal instinct?

You are 30 and this is the age where everyone is questioning themselves about the topic of kids.it is normal to wonder why you don't have the maternal instinct.my advice is don't rush anything.you should consider counselling.you were abused and you came from a dysfunctional situation.you never had a mum to give you the love and attention you needed when you were at your most vulnerable.i think you need to come to terms with that.be thankful that you got out of that situation.you are now an independent married woman.my advice would be to have kids if possible.maybe the maternal instinct will kick when you are pregnant.you are at the best time of your life to have a baby and I think you will be a much better mum than your own mum was.most mums who ended up delaying motherhood say that they wasted so much time and that none of their careers,travels mattered when they held their baby in their arms.

I had the same feelings. I just kind of felt nothing when I saw other kids and babies. I even sometimes feigned excitement and adoration when seeing other peoples kids. I don't have a good relationship with my mother and I think that is what really made it hard for me to see myself as a mother. I had no positive basis of maternal relationship other than maybe seeing my friends getting along with their parents. I love my mom but se just never got along or understood eachother and there's a lot of resentment for various reasons.

So then I got married at 30, my feelings about kids didn't really change all I knew is that I might be missing out on something if I never had kids. But I certainly was indifferent. But the I lucked out and got pregnant with twin boys right before I turned 32. Boys! I still feel a little afraid of having a girl someday. Would i fail at building a healthy mom-daughter relationship? my boys are my world, my calling as Mother didn't come until they arrived.

I don't know that it has to be a maternal instinct. If you are able to have compassion and empathy for others and treat them with respect that is all that is really required. I hate cats but my husband loves one and really, really wanted to get one. It makes me want to gag when he talks to the cat like the cat is a person and tells that cat that I am it's mommy. I am a mommy to the people that came out of my body not the cat, that thing came out of another creatures body. But just because I hate cats doesn't mean that I won't show compassion to a cat, feed a cat, water a cat care for a cat. When you have your own children and you feel them move inside you as you grow there is this powerful connection. Science has determines that the body produces Oxytocin that gives a mother feelings for her child. I didn't get to go into labor with my last one which increases bonding but the bonding is still there. Some oxytocin is also released through nursing. I majored in psychology in college and in social psychology class we were taught about how humans interact, the moment another human enters the room your heart rate increases. The single most important factor in determining who you will love is proximity. We learn to love or get along with those we are with. If your husband wants a baby and you don't but you want to please your spouse but feel like you need to want a baby before you have a baby don't let your feelings get in the way. Sometimes wanting a baby can be a deal breaker in a marriage but I encourage you to have compassion on your spouse and have the baby that he wants. If you get angry when you read about the injustice in the world you will be a great mother, if you want to give someone a hug or ask if they are okay if you catch them crying in the restroom at work then you will be a great mother. You need not feel maternal to act maternal. As long as you aren't one of those mothers on the news who kills or neglects your kids you will be a great mother. Unless you have a hard time showing compassion to others in even the smallest way in which case it is better to not have a child.

Why abort when you can just contraception and not get pregnant in the first place? But you do sound like one of the idiots who don't want kids and still won't use protection. You shouldn't have kids because you'd make a horrible mother.

I believe you need some counseling to get over the abuse and neglect as a child. Sometimes, when children grow up in terrible situations they are left with permanent scars. And trust me, I know what it's like growing up with a crappy mother and home life. My mother let her drug addict, alcoholic and jobless husband abuse her and sometimes us (not sexually). I could spend hours complaining about it. Anyways, you don't need to have kids if you wish not to. You should really focus more on yourself and your mental/emotional health, because having a child would only make it worse. If you can improve that part of your life, you may find that inner desire to pass the love on, but right now it seems as if you don't even love yourself.... Good luck.

Expecting 3rd baby in April!

I don't believe you have gotten over your extremely hurtful mother. However, there is no law that requires you to reproduce. If you don't want children, then don't have them.

Sounds like your mom hated being a mother. The evidence is her telling you not to have kids and the fact that she treated you badly. do you really trust her judgement? I bet you would be a wonderful mother and raise a beautiful child.

Maybe you better don't .

get on birthcontrol and talk about it with your husband?