My husband's ex asked for some extra money but won't tell us an amount?

No, you're not wrong to be frustrated. His ex is not being reasonable, although it doesn't automatically mean she's lying. It's better to assume the best because if you start acting based on wrong assumptions, you could end up with a lot of bad blood between you. It'll make the next however many years very difficult and the child will suffer.

That being said, I think she either wants the money for something else or is testing you to find out how much you'll give. She may legitimately want help paying for t-ball but doesn't want to give a specific amount in case she could have gotten more. Maybe she's having serious money trouble or maybe she just wants the extra for whatever reason.

Since she won't give you specific amounts or work with you, insist on paying it yourself, like you did with the shoes. [Note: I'm saying "you" because I'm obviously speaking to the one who asked the question, but I mean your husband or the two of you as a couple.] Remember she's the one asking for a favor, your husband pays child support which I assume at least covers all the child's necessities. So you can offer to buy the item, or if it's a bill offer to make the payment on the account, if it's a fee for something like t-ball offer to contact those running it to find out how much is due & pay, or give her a check made out to the person/business she claims it's for, etc. Just be careful how you phrase it so you don't unintentionally cause an argument, you don't want it to sound like an accusation of lying (even if at times you're certain she is).

If she still won't give an amount or let you buy the item/pay the bill/etc. yourself, or then just asks for money for something else and does the same thing, then the next time she tells you "I need whatever you can give me" this is what you say (you should put this in your own words - I'm a verbose person as you can see, but you might want to make it shorter):

"To be honest, we *can't* really give away our money right now, we're on a limited budget and it can be hard just covering our necessities.^ However, we do want [daughter's name] to have opportunities to do things like t-ball, so if you need help paying, we'll do the best we can to help, but we do have to factor it into our budget, so we'd appreciate if you could give us a specific amount** and we'll do what we can."

^If she's in similar circumstances, you might want to make a comment here empathizing with her, or say something so it sounds like you're "on the same side" instead of her feeling attacked e.g. "it's hard during the winter months, isn't it?" or whatever is appropriate.

**When applicable you can add "or let us know who to contact to pay the bill / tell us what she needs and we'll take her shopping", etc.

Good luck and remember to be mature, understanding, and be careful not to act based on assumptions or rumor (you didn't do this, I'm just saying it's very easy to do that in these situations when emotions are involved), because even if she's in the wrong or actually is lying, you still have to remain on good terms, and if you accuse her of being untrustworthy when she wasn't, that's even worse. You don't want every school & family function to be stressful, or for the daughter to put in the middle. She will likely treat you well if you do the same, and if she IS a terrible person then you definitely don't want to start a war with her.

No more money. The allimony is more than enough. You need to prepare your own future. If you give her the money, you'll quickly find out that she's coming back for more and more, using the child as an excuse. Maybe she cannot manage money. In a way, she's raising the amount of the allimony.

Pay what the judge has ordered. Give the woman no more than that. If the child wants to participate in some activity beyond what's normal then let the child ask for the financial aid. As long as it's reasonable and you can afford it then gladly help the child.

It sounds more like the ex is trying to get cigarette money - or whatever she may truly want the money for. That's probably why she doesn't want you to pay the parks and recreation directly. Money in her hand is money in her control. Avoid feeding the beast.

Hope this helps.

˚J˚

˘

Proud father of FIVE girls. WAY TOO MANY YEARS experience.

Can you find out where she's doing t-ball then ask them how much it is? My kids' t-ball is usually a couple hundred dollars a season.

In a similar situation when my sister-in-law asked me for money/help with my nieces dance recital expenses but also didn't give me an amount and gave me that BS "whatever you can give amount" line, I just stopped by the place she takes her classes and asked them how much her recital balance was only to find out the recital was paid for but they hadn't paid for her actual classes in a few months so I just paid the balance.

It sounds more like the money she wants is for something else.

I don't think there is any tee ball going on here. If there was, she could say, it's $75 fee due Friday, make the check out to them, but that is not happening. It is all a lie.

Whatever your husband is paying in child support should be enough to cover all the child's expenses. Baby mamas forget that child support is for the child, not for themselves. I'm sure your husband is forking over several hundred dollars per month, so that should be plenty.

you are only frustrated cos she is suckering you into playing her game her way

she wants extra money then she has to be specific

1) what its for

2) how much it costs (and I mean the actual cost from the organisation via their official documentation)

You just have to keep repeating to her that you wont do anything until you get this info

When(if) you get it then you decide how much you are gonna pay. Tell her you will pay this directly to the organisation but only on the assumption she will pay the rest, and if this is not satisfactory then she must tell you.

Contact the organisation and tell them you are you will pay the amount on the assumption the mother will pay the rest and if she dont then you require a full refund. IF this is NOT satisfactory to them they are you let you know immediately.

(i.e do not pay anything if the money is non-returnable)

Look like you should have ran from this situation. Gold digger alert... Your husband and her should spilt the cost of this T-Ball crap...

"I need whatever you can give me" means a lot to pay for tball and buy herself something...

Tell her to take it out of the child support... Don't have time for these games. Ms. Wordsmith here is $5.00

I'm sorry but get out of this situation?

I would go with a check form. that way it's documented. and I do think it's BS because she doesn't want to be held accountable for something

I don't think t-ball is the motivation for the extra money. Try to find out where this t-ball is or who is sponsoring it and get the details from them.