Wife is getting really fat and is too lazy to make effort despite my devotion to the gym. I feel compelled to leave her NOW. Advice!!!?

Women are going to jump all over your sh1t for your question and tell you that you must love her for the person she is and not the outside appearance, but as a married guy who tries to stay fit as well I can understand where you are coming from. It's very frustrating when the person you initially became attracted to has disappeared and we both know that if she looked like that when you first met her you probably would have never taken her out.

Having a baby changes a lot in a woman's life, and some people claim that women can go through postpartum depression where they lose all motivation and I guess turning to food could he her comfort. Talk to her about this.

It also could be that she has just gotten complacent in the relationship and doesn't feel the need to try anymore. Happens with both husbands and wives when they become comfortable in a relationship.

So anyways, all you can really do is have a serious conversation with her no matter how much it may hurt her and I know it's not easy to talk about it. Explain to her that while you still love her you are no longer attracted to her and it's tearing you apart inside. Explain that you go to the gym because you want to stay attractive but it's endlessly frustrating for you that she won't do the same. You just have to be honest no matter how much it might hurt her. Tell her that you don't want to live the rest of your life in a sexless marriage and you don't know what to do at this point.

If you were to leave her you can bet your *** she would put away the fried food and find her way to the gym quickly, but you also risk losing her forever if you leave her over her weight gain.

Needless to say this is a very difficult situation and there is no easy solution to it.

Err, your pre-baby body? But YOU are not the one that had a baby! :) Anyway, while I understand your frustration, you also need to be realistic and patient. Having a baby is not a few weeks deal, it's a year long ordeal for women. She gained all that weight over 9 months and she just delivered the baby. Of course, she will be exhausted. Give her time and love. When 6 months are complete post delivery, then get on her case and explain that it's not just about the looks, that you are worried about her health! Obesity is nobody's friend. It brings too many other illnesses with it. Explain that you are worried for her health, that you want her to be strong and healthy and happy. That will work way better than you saying you can't stand to look at her love handles.

It'a barely four months .

Pregnancy is tough. You won't understand it unless you go through it.

I don't think she is lying when she says that she feels tired. Breastfeeding a baby takes up a lot of energy. Not to mention changing diapers, being awake at night which causes sleep deprivation and again leads to tiredness.

That's why she is eating a lot . That compensates the energy she looses from breastfeeding and other activities.

What you can do is to suggest healthy foods for her to eat.

Protein increases energy. Add lean meat, fish, milk, cheese, nuts, seeds and legumes to her daily diet to increase her intake of protein.

Whole-wheat bread and pasta, brown rice and fruits and vegetables are good sources of fiber. Fiber rich foods can boost energy.

Include iron rich foods as well. Seafood, tofu, leafy green vegetables should be included.Iron deficiency can cause fatigue and sluggishness.

Tell her to drink lots of water. Aim for 13 cups of water.

Tell her to get more sleep. She can sleep when the baby sleeps. You can look after the baby when she takes a nap.

Leave the exercise thing to her. Let her do it when she feels it. I think if the two of you go out for a walk everyday it would be better.

Did you marry her just because of her looks ?

Everything you do will be wrong. Obesity is an illness. It's often fatal. we know what causes it and how to cure it. Fat people have to want to get in shape. Most do not want to. Your wife is not doing her share. Her condition could in the very near future be hazardous to your baby. Falling, or sitting on etc. If a physician can't get her to reduce, as a last resort you might try an intervention, utilizing friends and relatives. This probably can't be done, and might not work. A prognosis of immediate death is the next most likely possibility, and it usually does NOT work. If you divorce her it might be enough of a shock to save her life. More likely, you will just be a villain. Go for it! Better a villain with a healthy kid, that a wimp, with an obese wife as a role model for your kid.

I really don't agree that you're being selfish or immature.

I wouldn't want to be with a person that didn't value their health or appearance. In her defense, yes, she did just recently have a baby, but carrying a child IS NOT an excuse to completely let yourself go. Go grocery shopping with her, try getting her to purchase healthier options and make dinner more often. Make exercise fun, opt that you two go on a hike or take a walk around the neighborhood after dinner.

Don't you see it? she is DEPRESSED. Not wanting to do anything? Eating her life away and sitting on the couch? Man that screams depression. She hit a rough patch in her life. Having a baby can cause alot problems and she need motivation. Alot of people don't have self-motivation like others. They need that push but then again it seems like you tried. People don't want help until they want it themselves. So if you leave I bet she get all the motivation she need and next then you know she be fit. But once that happen, she not looking at you anymore. She moved on. Really hard situation here that I can't even answer.

Aww, she probably thinks you're taking the baby to give her a break, not to encourage her to go to the gym. :(

This is what you do ... say, "My feelings are starting to get really hurt. I do my best to look good for you, and you are really letting yourself go." Make it about your FEELINGS, not about how her body is changing. That's just a more sensible and effective approach... along with being nicer.

Set up a gym schedule, and tell her you're all going to start going together to help each other out and to be a good example to your child. If you do that and she's still dragging her feet, file.

Your marriage is worth saving. I remember a relationship I use to have where the guy badgered me to exercise. He actually pushed me away from the gym by "how" he went about it. Have you thought about buying her and you a duo personal training package? You two can work out together but be pushed by an outside source, who can give diet recommendations, tips and advice. Offer to take care of the baby to let her get a nap in and let her know when she gets up, you 3 are going to the gym no excuse, "we are going to be healthy for each other". Good luck.

Fitness instructor, expecting baby #3

What do you mean you got your "pre baby body back"? You never got pregnant.

My husband got fat and I didn't, even though I had 2 children. I didn't think of leaving him.

You should have thought of this before having a child. She is better of without you by the sounds of it anyway. You are not a 'through thick and thin' kind of guy. Better you leave and she can find someone else.

Honestly it is important to be attracted to one another. If I couldn't go to the gym I'd go crazy! I got my husband back into it. We do it together. If he wasn't into fitness and health it would be a problem because I'ma active and need someone to keep up with me. Express your concern about her health. Stop having sex with her and express the truth that you are NOT attracted to her and she needs to get in better shape. I would want someone to tell me to get my lazy butt off the couch. Actually someone did and I did.