bad kid, need help?

My friend has that issue with her daughter and asked me what to do. I finally found out it's because she was not consistent with discipline. She will try something for three months, and then just give it up because her daughter resisted, and so she just assumed it wasn't going to work.

Every time you adopt new rules and new ways of doing things like time outs, spanking (I have no problem with spanking btw), grounding, etc on a child who previously ruled the roost, that child is going to resist like mad. They are going to go bonkers and do everything they can to get that parent to give up. And it will look like the discipline isn't working. In fact, you can argue it's worse than ever!

Let's take this trick some parents use. Their child gets 50 cents at the beginning of the day. No matter what they did yesterday, they always get 50 cents each new day. As the day progresses, if they're good, they keep their 50 cents. Forever. If they're bad, they get three warnings, then after 3 warnings, the 50 cents is gone. Forever. They can't earn it back. If a parent is consistent this can sometimes work. And that just depends on dynamics, how well the child understands consequences, and how well they understand money. But these have to be followed to the letter. (And this is just one way parents use, there are of course hundreds of great tips and tricks that all work if they are applied consistently.)

Sometimes parents will be inconsistent without even knowing they are inconsistent. They lose their temper and don't give the 3 warnings. Or they say, "Well you lose your 50 cent today and you won't get 50 cents tomorrow either." or "You did something so terrible that I'm going to not only take away your 50 cents today, but also take away what you earned yesterday." No! Remember the rule is that it doesn't matter what they did. Every day they get 50 cents everyday and they get to keep that forever no matter what they do after. Period! Or they'll let their child have a "chance" to earn it back. Basically telling the child that they can be a terror for 12 hours but if they're good for 30 minutes they get 50 cents back. You already know that doesn't work. These inconsistencies seem small, and they may make the parent feel in control but they are of major consequence when applying discipline.

Don't give into him. I agree with you, bribing is a horrible thing to do, it teaches him that he'll get something he wants from that behavior. You need to be firm, not harsh. If you set a rule or tell him something stick with it no matter what he does. Like if he can't have desert until he finishes his food, don't compromise. (Some kids it's okay to compromise, but with how say he asks it's not a good idea.)

You need to let him know through action who is in charge. If he does start breaking things make a room where there isn't any games or anything he can break and put him in there. It might be a slow change, and it might not even change his behavior with others, but it will change his behavior with you.

Spend much more time with him, this is what he needs a role model and a mentor like a dad. give those hugs and reward good behavior on the spot. And explain appropriate behavior as stuff happens, gently but firmly.

Show him there is consequences to disrespect

Show him compassion