Dear diary, I have made a shocking discovery. I am a weirdo.?

Hello, hi. Greetings random people of Yahoo! I am a weirdo. Nice to meet you. I am a 19 year old guy in college. Last semester, I took a program called "Conversational Confidence" by Eduard Ezeanu. I could tell you the whole long, deeply emotional story of it all, but let's sum up everything that happened to me ever since that fateful day:

-Listened to it one too many times, thus feeling an experience that can be best described as brainwash (losing the reality of myself and the world).

-For 3 weeks I thought I was crazy. Really had insomnia and was "in manic".

-Voluntarily went to a psych ward for 6 days without seeing the light of day.

-Nearly died twice.

-Ruined my last good memory of my grandpa.

-Told the girl that I had a crush on (she has a bf) that I love her. Haven't been friends since really.

So. This is where I'm at right now. I am weird. As in socially awkward. This I already knew last semester, and that's why I took the program. But now, I'm even weirder. As in by impulse I accidentally say or do weird, sketchy things to my acquaintances. Often I look back to last semester, and I realize that I didn't need any social confidence program because there were people who accepted my despite my awkwardness. And now, after everything I'm even weirder than I was before. Most of those friends are acquaintances, and that 1 girl and I aren't really friends anymore :/. I have some friends thankfully, but I'm sad cuz the year's coming down and I just miss those better days.