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?
Lv 4
? asked in Arts & HumanitiesBooks & Authors · 5 years ago

Short story premise?

I'm trying to write a short and simple premise for my short story. I was hoping to receive some feedback on both content and languange.

For fifteen years they have haunted, and been hunted, by a notorious serial killer called Trinity. Even in the midst of the chaos that ended the world, the hunt continued. But it is about to reach its end.

(or, even when the world crashed in chaos as a devastating infection brought humanity to its knees, the hunt continued. But it is about to reach its end.)

Update:

All answers were really helpful, thanks!

4 Answers

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  • ?
    Lv 4
    5 years ago

    Sounds good! I would read it! Some things: are they haunting people, or are they BEING haunted? Your first sentence implies they're ghosts haunting people. I don't think that's what you were trying to get across lol. If I'm correct, I would change it to "For fifteen years, they have been haunted and hunted by a notorious serial killer named Trinity." I like the second option for the last sentence more, however, I would add a comma or colon between "chaos" and "as". That's just a personal preference though. It sounds good as is. :)

  • This does not sound like a good short story.

    It just sounds like the chapter of a book, except you've decided to tell the reader the rest of the book in one quick paragraph. Show me, don't tell me.

    I'd also clean up the florid language, while working on the basics.

    Take the phrase "crashed in chaos," which implies the world was already in chaos before the crash. I find it likely you mean "crashed into chaos," as the verb crash implies a sharp division.

  • odd
    Lv 7
    5 years ago

    For fifteen years they have been stalked and haunted by a notorious serial killer called Trinity, their ordeal enduring through the midst of the chaos: a devastating infectious plague that brought humanity to its knees and ended the world. But it is about to reach its end.

  • 5 years ago

    If it goes on for 15 years the characters would need to be in their early 30's or older.

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