Help mother problems?

Wait. When you mention "we move out"....you and your 34 year old partner are living with your mom?! With you, it's a bit more understandable, because your mom is clearly manipulative and you're grown up this way. But what 34 year old man would ever consider moving in with someone else's mom? I mention this because everything about this sounds very unhealthy.

As to leaving, I'm sure you don't need to be told you have the power to this at 29. You've had that power over 10 years. I'm also sure everyone you know in your age group is long gone.

So you owe it to yourself to try to figure out why you can't do the same thing. This isn't about intelligence or anything like that. Nor is it your fault. But something is very wrong with the relationship you have with your mom. A healthy 29 year old wouldn't be asking about this, and if your mom has always been this manipulative, you'll probably need therapy to sort it out. Don't look at this as a punishment. It's a gift you give yourself.

Also, not that you asked, but I hope you don't leave and plan to move in with your partner, especially if you've never lived on your own. You're just transferring dependencies from mom to partner. I also looked at your recent questions and noticed something under "trying to conceive". Don't start trying to take major relationship steps until you fix yourself. Otherwise, things are going to blow up in your face. I'm not sure you see what I'm saying, but at the moment, your life sounds horrible to me. You're young and you have the power to fix it, though, if you do it right.

I think you need to move out, and if she reacts badly (cries or tries to take revenge) that is her own problem. You are an adult. It is perfectly reasonable that you and your partner would want your space and your privacy.

Your mother isn't entitle to live with you or have you around all the time as a sort of security blanket.

You should sit her down and talk to her kindly and calmly. Let her know that you love her, but that you and your partner are going to move out. You are adults and want your own place and privacy. That is a perfectly reasonable thing for two adults to want at your age. You love her, and you will visit her. She needs to be strong and brave for you. If she loves you, you know she will support you even it is a bit lonely for her.

If after being so kind and gentle, she still freaks out, then that is her own problem.

there is no way she can STOP you from moving out - you are two adults