How to correct my toddler s bad behavior?

You said the problem, right there at the end. She dictates your lives.

You guys have to take charge of her. You have to be the boss.

When she was ruining the pillows what were you doing? If you say stop and she doesn't then you have to intervene, not just say there will be a consequence.

You are bigger and stronger than her and you have to get physical sometimes. You grab her by the hand or even pick her up kicking and screaming down the hall.

Her not caring about her consequences is exactly what occasional spanking is all about. It is the consequence that results from defying you and her father and it has to be immediate. You can't wait even 10 minutes. And you have to hurt her. Not injure, but it has to be intolerable to her, not just a little tap.

The other things you are doing are right on, as well. The praise and reward, the loss of privilege, time out or standing in the corner all should be in your repertoire.

One big thing you sould consider is that perhaps she is both over-tired [mentally] as well as under exercised. Toddlers are crazy little balls of energy who always get into trouble when they are bored. A little running around outside makes a big difference for some kids.

This, also, is the hardest age to deal with. You certainly aren't alone in having an out of control 3 year old. This is a temporary problem, but will persist longer and longer if you guys don't take control back.

Start by taking her to the pediatrician and getting a referral for a full psychological and learning challenge assessment. It is possible you just have a child with a stronger will than yours or you could have a child with a diagnosable problem that requires professional intervention.

Based on what you posted, you really aren't able to be consistent with so many different approaches. While it may make sense to you, it probably doesn't to your child. The bottom line: Kids will do whatever it is that is easy for them and gets the results they want. If they no longer get the results they want (which is probably you giving in) then they will adjust their behavior so they can get what they want again. For example, why did you even take her to an open house? No pre-schooler want to tour a home. Her behavior got her what she wanted -- entertainment while she was there and then to leave.

I would also encourage you to read and follow the guidelines in the book Have a New Kid by Friday, by Dr. Kevin Leman. Or, if you are into a more detail and less humor, Love and Logic.

Get the book 1-2-3 Magic and read it. It works very well with this age group. Also take some parenting classes.

When she fusses, remove her. When she's in public, keep a hand on her so she can't start tearing things apart.

You might find that running her around will help, too. Take her to the park and get more exercise for her.

I agree with some of the others you need a full psychological on her. Also, ignore her bad behavior and positively reinforce good behavior. If she throws things act as if you don't see it. If she picks up her toys or is nice to other children praise her for it. Good luck!

Have you tried putting her in timeout for 3 minutes and than spanking her or the Supernanny style timeouts because if not maybe you should try both to see which one of them works best but if you choose to use spanking than only use it when they do something dangerous or if they did something that could of led to someone's property being destroyed like slamming the door for example but if she' being disrespectful or cussing just tell her that what she just said isn't very nice and if she does it again you'll put mayo or whatever juice or food item that she doesn't like on her tongue but make sure that what your using is harmless.

Join Yoga and meditation classes and learn all their knowledge and technique systematically. Then only you can correct your toddler's bad behavior.

You need to seek professional help immediately for your child and for you as her parents. A child psychologist is in order. Do your homework and start making inquiries..you might start with her pediatrician. I had a super hyperactive, autistic son and I know your pain. Good luck.

Give her nothing with artificial sugar and e-numbers in food, feed her only natural umprocessed stuff. Wait a day and you will see the difference.

You're "spanking" her, but are you beatin' dat a**? Spankings don't hurt your body, they just hurt your feelings. It seems like her feelings don't get hurt anymore, and you need to upgrade from "you're gonna get a spanking" to "...lil girl, if I have to tell you to stop jumpin on my couch again, I'mma rip yo legs off'a you and beat'choo wit'em until my SOUL is tired!"

Please don't take offense to this, but a lot of these "New age" parents (since like 2000) seem to think it's NEVER necessary to beat your child. LOOK, corporal punishment works! There IS a thin line between corporal punishment and abuse, but as a parent, you can't show your child (AND DEFINITELY DON'T TELL THEM), that you're afraid to cross that line.

Some people say you're creating parental fear in your child's heart, but what is respect? It's a level of fear, if you ask me! Fear of the consequences if you're not respectful and obedient, however great or small those consequences may be. Many parents have done this and their children are JUST FINE!

I have a 9 month old and I plan on trying my best NOT to get to corporal punishment when she gets to that stage/age, but if I ever deem it necessary, I'm not afraid to go there. Preemptively, I will figure out ways to let her know I'm not afraid to go there, however, and maybe she won't ever get so unruly that I will have to do more than just look.

Corporal punishment isn't necessary for every child...it wasn't for me, but I still got done good ones, but personally think what will make you two terrible parents is ALLOWING a three year old dictate your lives. Yes, that's your baby and you love her to pieces, but that's what has to be in your head when it's time to get the belt out; "Baby, I love you, but you fin'na get it!"

All this being said, she's ONLY 3 not 13, so there's a only so much beating you can give. Don't get crazy!

If you're already to this point and my post is completely unnecessary, then you have bigger issues and I can't help you...

EDIT: See? My comment is ALREADY getting dislikes. Why you people think these kids growing up shooting and stabbing people; breaking into people's houses, raping, robbing, and burglarizing? BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO FEAR OF CONSEQUENCES!!! Y'all better wake up, and get control of your kids! RESPECT is just the MINIMUM...!