cant stay, cant move on..what to do at mid 50s after spouce passed away?

You are so young to face this. I think of all the young folks in the military who had to go thru the loss of their loved one.

I know how you feel and I wish I could help. I've been in your shoes and it took years for me to walk thru the stages of grief and loss. The hurt, the sadness and if there was an illness you have all those bad memories too. Every time I did an activity for the first time or went someplace that we had gone together all the sadness would well up but I think it was a good thing.

I can tell you that it will get better. I wanted to just be alone for a long while and that worked for me. I didn't want company, except family. You'll gradually come back to life and live again. It will always be a different sort of life but that doesn't mean you can't be happy again. Grieving is a natural and necessary process to your loss. It can't be avoided. Just try to get out a little bit as time goes on. We can't stay home and cry on the couch forever. Life really does go in.

A book that really helped me was by Elizabeth Kubler Ross. It was the stages of grieving.

You take care. You'll move on when you're ready. I wish you would have said how long it's been. Our advice on here would have been different. Church really helped me. Life never really ends, we just move on.

If you can get up in the morning, shower, take a walk, do anything to give your mind a different focus from your hurt. If you're lonely, that can always be fixed by activities. Cry whenever you need to. It helps get the hurt out.

A Yahoo Friend.

First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss--especially at a relatively young age. The first thing you need to do is to find a grief/loss group (sometimes called Widowed Persons' Group), so you will have some people to talk to who truly understand how you're feeling. Check with the churches in your area, because they usually give over a classroom once a week for meetings like this. It's a group for both men and women, and the men seem to be the ones who have the most trouble "moving ahead'. I encourage you to do this. It would also be helpful, if you can and would, go get some professional counseling for a few months. Th counselor can help you learn some specific ways to deal with the days you are really down and bummed out. Last, I would encourage you to join a church or go volunteer at some place like a children's hospital--reading to the kids or playing board games or the like--for people who are non-judgmental and would really enjoy seeing you on a regular basis. Kids can bring a smile to a sad face quicker than can an adult. I wish you all the best in the world.

In your mid fifties, you don't always want to start dating all over again after a long and happy marriage ends in one partner passing away. You are in a grieving process that may take years to get over, and you are at your wits end wondering what next. The fact is that life goes on, and much as you may want to close the door and shut yourself off from the living world, we can't. So it's essential that you have something to occupy your time such as a hobby that you can lose yourself in regularly, such a gardening, painting or driving etc. Loneliness is perhaps the worst part of losing a partner, and it takes a long time before you get used to your own company. Having friends can help, especially if they are the supportive types, otherwise, a pet dog is one of the most wonderful companions to have around after a spouse has passed away. You might like to consider giving a home to a pet that will offer some comfort in your distress. In time, you will feel less pain from your loss and may want to start another relationship. Nothing at all wrong with that, but do not rush into forming new relationships thinking you cannot cope with the single life. Believe me, you will, and there is still lots of time ahead of you.

Sorry for you loss and that you have been so devastated by it. You take a trip for single women, volunteer some there you can be helpful. Get out of yourself and the world will look different. I have been on my own about 20 years now and I cannot picture what not being able to do the volunteer work I do, or not being able to paint whenever I want , or go to the Bead store and take a class. I have taken classes in things I have been curious about. I took a few Obo lessons and learned that I need to stick with the piano. I know how to make costumes now and it is not the same as sewing I learned in Jr, High. There are a million things you can do, once you allow yourself to do what your spouse would want for you. Unless they were real scrooges they want you to be happy.

I was in my mid 30's when my wife left me for another man, taking our 3 children with her. I was in grief for a couple months and my health was declining. I went to an Assembly of God church where I accepted Jesus and was born again and healed, physically and emotionally. It was the best thing hat ever happened to me. The Lord gave me a new life that was more satisfying than any I had before. I prayed for her, not to come back, but to know Jesus. She did and shortly after passed away. She's in Heaven because everything happened just as it did. The Bible says, "Oh death, where is your sting?" Since becoming a Christian, I view death as just a doorway to a new life.

You didn't say you were religious but prayer helps. Also the Bible teaches you can see your loved ones again. People think of marriage different now but marriage brings two people together with the thought of never separating. As we get older we wonder what would happen of one of us is left alone. It's a hard thought and your living it. The creator of marriage never meant for it to last just a few years but forever. He doesn't need people to die to have angles. If he needs more he can create them. Talk to God in prayer. The Bible answers why bad things happen to good people.

You can get answers. It is not that prayer simply makes us feel better. God promises to give holy spirit to those who ask for it. And God’s holy spirit, can equip you with “power beyond what is normal” to go from one day to the next. (2 Corinthians 4:7) Remember: God can help us to endure any and every thing we may face. This web site may help. www.jw.org

So sorry for your loss. Please volunteer to help those less fortunate especially this holiday season. Stay involved at church, ring the bell for the Salvation Army, serve food to the homeless. Is there a grief support in your community? If not, maybe you could start one. Staying busy is important even if you don't feel like it. I am alone at the holidays, so I know it can be rough. Take care!

join groups with shared interests, maybe photography, a choir, enrol in a college course for a qualification or to learn a language. redecorate and add touches of distinctly personal new. take a holiday away from home - even if it's only a weekend of walking with bed and breakfast. don't get isolated.

Realize that it takes at least a year or two to recover from the death of a spouse. At that point consider a support group or just start dating and/or involving yourself in activities. Just don't make any major decisions in the first year; e.g. moving, remarrying, changing jobs, etc.

get out of the house, get involved in groups, church, try dating sites and move on, nothing you can do about her now, sad she is not there but you have to keep moving on with your life. don't have to get married again but maybe you'll find someone just to have company.

play golf, tennis. softball. go for walks etc. get part time job but get out and live your life.