High functioning Autistic daughter won't wear normal shoes.?

Don't minimize her sensory issues - she doesn't "claim" that shoes make her feet feel trapped, as an Autistic child that's exactly how it feels to her so respect that, you both have to make compromises but that means you have to also meet her half way in recognizing her sensory issues. Have a discussion with her about why she needs to wear certain footwear at certain times and talk about what might make that easier for her or offer her incentives.

The feeling that shoes make her feet feel trapped may be because they feel too tight, it may be due to the style or how they're fastened, it may be a problem with her feet - if you've not already consider going to a podiatrist - or it may just be a general 'they feel trapped'. There are brands that cater to children with sensory processing issues too such as Stride Rite and Tsukihoshi Shoes, also look at the socks as a possible cause of problems for her too. If she prefers crocks it may be the air-flow that works for her, so consider more breathable socks and shoes.

Another suggestion would be to find shoes she really likes - it sounds simple but I swear parents don't always think about this - I had severe problems walking as a child so had to wear specially made shoes that gave me extra support, I hated those shoes at first as I was mocked for needing 'special shoes' but when the time came to buy normal (read: cheaper) shoes I refused to switch because in my Autistic mind I didn't like change and I 'needed' my 'special shoes'. My mother made a point to get the most coveted shoes on the market, they cost more than my 'special shoes' but it was a good compromise to nudge me into being a little more willing to try new shoes.

If you haven't already go search for articles on sensory issues and clothing or footwear in Autistic kids.

You need to work out a way of explaining to her that being herself is good and explain why kids bully, but also make her aware of the need to try not to stand-out too much and to deal with the hygiene issues. So yeah, your fault...but find me one parent who hasn't messed-up on this one, it's a difficult concept to try to instill in kids.

On the hygiene issue there's no quick fix, but I don't recommend shaming.

I had hygiene issues as executive dysfunction meant I struggled to use the bathroom, sensory issues with water made me petrified of baths or washing my face (water on chest, neck, or face made me feel I was suffocating), and I just straight-up didn't care to brush my hair. My mother used shaming but it didn't work and instead just made me feel bullied by her, thus in turn worsening my neurological issues due to the stress, I also remember an aunt buying me a hair brush set to try to encourage me to brush my hair and I saw right through that so it didn't work.

If your daughters issues are related to executive dysfunction then continuing to remind her will help, it may not be that she doesn't know that she needs to brush her hair but it's just connections between knowing and her actually doing may be missing - it's constant reminders that help enforce connections. In terms of grooming I didn't start to do things like brush my hair until I was ready, it was about suddenly wanting to take pride in my own appearance - rather than telling her people will make fun of her instead try to instill in her a sense of pride in how she looks.

You don't mention her age (I'm guessing pre-teen) but how about you go on a girly day of beauty or try some DIY home beauty, don't put too much focus on getting her to engage in these things but rather lead by example...so say, you go to a spa and take her with you under the guise of taking her with you while you do errands or do some DIY face masks at home and if she asks about it then take the opportunity to explain to her why you do this - it's not to stop people bullying you, it's because it makes you happy to engage in self-care. Maybe a similar idea could be used with her on the shoes, next time you get a new pair of shoes make a little fuss about how much you like them.

Yes, we're awkward but there is a logic to our awkwardness...it's just a matter of trying to figure it out.

Lastly, please don't use functioning labels and if you don't understand why they're harmful take the time to learn.

1. expressing her independance of your opinions and others is healthy

2. Crocs are worn by everyone. Easy to wash too. Wash socks with detergent and a cup of ammonia to eliminate odors.

3. A lot of kids hate bathing at some point. Make it part of her daily ritual, no arguing, no more comments about what others think of her. Soon enough most turn into teens that take showers that drain all the hot water.

4. let the schools tell her if the sneakers are non-negotiable. Take the crocs in her backpack to slip into the minute she is allowed to

5. teach her to tell the bullies that her shoes and her body are none of their business

I am autistic with hideously sensitive feet. I love Crocs, and I love Keen shoes. I buy them slightly used off of ebay. I buy both very thin and thick socks; if there is even a tiny bit of rub on my feet I can feel it terribly. Sometimes I wear the thin sock on one foot and the thick on the other. Talk about princess and the pea. I stick with a brand I know I like; this has got to be very frustrating money-wise for a child's growing feet. Many times the shoes feel good for about a week and then, pain. I rotate my shows throughout the day so different parts of my feet get less or more pressure. I elevate them several times a day. I am older (55) but I am giving this advice for her future. I have had severe bilateral foot pain. It is relieved when I never allow my feet to feel any pain; but I am disabled and work from home so I can tend to my feet the second I feel any discomfort. I had several rounds of plantar fasciitis until I figured this out. My feet are 2 different sizes, also, and apparently this is not rare. Thus the need for thick and thin socks. I have had some success with the good brands of slippers with the hard rubber bottoms that can be worn outdoors also. Kmart has some medium priced-ones that seem to be quite excellent. Spray them with fabric protection and you are good to go.

You seem very frustrated and I can understand why. Let your child wear the shoes she wants in exchange for a routine that includes personal hygiene. Pick your battles.

thats because she cant. do your research you know nothing. she is not normal. do you know anything? no you dont. maybe you dont care.

Worse parent award, or worst troll award? I'm guessing the latter.

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