Please give me opinions on my writing?

Question

George pulled his Renault Clio to a stop and jumped out of the car. His heart pounding and hands shaking, he sprinted up the hill. His feet were sinking into snow, but no matter how much it slowed him down, he refused to give up. He could feel the wind blowing against him, it was his ears that began to freeze first. 
He put his hand in front of his face as he ran, refusing to give in to this storm. What was this storm to him? When he reached the top of the hill, he did not stop running. When he slit on the ice he got back up. When his legs sank too deep in the snow, he pulled them out and took another step. Nothing was going to stop this man. 
He would refuse to allow this wind to impact him. He was untouchable. Nothing would stop him. Not the storm of the night or the exhaustion of his body. Not the voice in his head telling him to stop. Not even his lack of appropriate clothing, allowing the cold to ache all over his body. He still continued to run.
He soon came to a fence. That was not going to stop him either. He grabbed the fence and pulled himself over it. He screamed as his arms ached and when he was over he fell into a patch of snow. Everything ached; his arms, legs, chest, head, feet but still he refused to stop. He pulled himself up from the snow and continued towards the cliff. 
George’s heart jumped when he looked forward seeing Rachael standing there in the distance. “RACHEAL!” He screamed, ending in coughing and breathlessness.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It's extremely droll and repetitive.

debiclardy · Answer

Too many passive verbs (was & were)  Use active verbs and you story will have more impact.

Marli · Answer

George is certainly a determined man.

Is this your first draft?  It does need some work regarding spelling and comma usage.

You also say "this wind", "this storm", when "the wind" and "the storm" would work.  "This storm" implies a comparison. He would have given in to another storm. What other storm was there?

Can you "sprint" or "run" through deep snow?  He certainly was putting the same effort into getting to the destination as fast as he could, but he did not have the freedom of motion that sprinting and running implies.

I think you should have told us earlier why he was anxious to climb the hill as fast as he could.  Was he running from the police?  Was he chasing someone?  Did he suddenly decide to do his daily physical fitness routine by running up a hill in deep snow?  In all those refusing to give up passages, you did not tell us why this was important to him.

And why was Rachael standing at the edge of a cliff in a heavy snow storm?  Why wasn't she indoors, like a sensible woman?

Mike · Answer

Do we really need to know the make and model of his car?

George pulled his car to a stop and jumped out.

Todd · Answer

Well, it's a very long way to say the person was in pain. We don't even care about this guy or what he is doing., only that he suffers through some inclement weather. yes, he has a goal, but I've already lost interest halfway through. Where's the plot interest? Why is Rachael even there? Why is he even there? There's not even a suggestion, just a man trying to get from point A to point B. This reads more like a movie script than a novel.

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Please give me opinions on my writing?

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