Should I keep giving my family money?

Question

I'm in college using my stepdads military benefits so every month I'm in school I get paid about 2300 dollars. I always put $1500 away in my savings and use what's left on things I need or want (my phone bill, psychiatrist fees, clothes. Etc.) Recently one of my family members has been asking me for a lot of help. I spent about $200 (maybe even a little more) on stuff she needed for her newborn baby and stuff that her kids wanted. I paid about $150 for her to get her hair done. And this is only within the last 2 months. I don't mind helping because she's family and I know she isn't working right now. But it seems like every week she's texting me asking for me to buy or pay for something. Now she's asking me for $250 to pay off a balance and to buy herself some things. It's the first time I ever told her no and I'm felling really guilty. I have thousands of dollars sitting around in my savings but I don't want to touch it. I have the money and she said she would pay me back but I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. I'm only 19 years old and I don't feel like it's my responsibility to give her money but at the same time I feel selfish because I know I have the money. Am I wrong for saying no or was it the right decision?

Anonymous · Answer

It's always helpful to know exactly who this family member is.  For example, if it's a stepsister, you still need to cut her off, but there might be more leeway in how you do it if the money is coming from her dad.

Overall, though, there's a fine line between helping and enabling.  Right now, you're actually enabling her, because this is so random.  She doesn't have to plan and budget (or get a job) because in a pinch, you're her ATM.  And someone in bad financial state, especially with kids, simply CANNOT spend $150 on hair.  Then she can turn around and honestly tell you  she needs it for food or clothes, but that's simply because her spending priorities are whacked.

If she's someone you like and get along with, maybe you could stop by and hand her a check for $500 or $1000.  Then make sure she understands that she's not to ask for more money, or it will permanently damage your relationship.  If she's not someone you're close to, do the above without the money.

Most importantly, resist the temptation to get involved in some stressful convo where you defend or explain your decision.  People like her love initiating this stuff, because everything you say gives her more to work with.  It's your money, it's your decision and you need to get across the answer is no and she needs to stop asking.

? · Answer

No you're not wrong for saying "no"  This person needs to find a job

And she can likely get free financial assistance for daycare if she applies with the welfare office. She's a user.

Gaia’s Garden · Answer

Help is one thing, but tell her she needs to get a job because you can not support her.

Pearl L · Answer

i dont think youre wrong for saying no and i wouldnt feel guilty about it either

Justin · Answer

Only help her out with things she needs. You should not be paying for her $150 haircut. Its your hard earned money and if she wants to buy things than she can save up her own money. Cut her off now!

Fantom · Answer

You are not obligated to give your relatives money. A hair-do certainly don't qualify as anyone's emergency. Stop telling relatives about your income/savings too.

John · Answer

If she's asking for money to do stuff like getting her hair done, then she doesn't really need the money. Tell her in a nice way, but stop giving her money.

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Should I keep giving my family money?

7 Answers