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opinion on my novels opening?
She met Zoe for the first time when she was just 22 years old. After a long day of work, Alice McCarthy decided to go to Harrington’s, a popular bar in Highpond. It was in this bar that Alice would make one of the most exciting discoveries of her life.
“And how are we today?” asked Mike, smiling as he passed her a bottle of Budweiser “That’ll be $3.80”
“Tired as usual.” Replied Alice, as she handed over a $5 dollar note. “Keep the change.”
“You’re tired so you decided to come to the noisiest bar in the whole town? I like your logic.” he gave a wider grin.
Mark was a tall, black, muscular man who never failed to charm his customers. he wore a plain white **** and a wide grin on his face.
any advice would be appreciated
5 Answers
- Anonymous4 years ago
lol
- Chances68Lv 74 years ago
Just a small note - My publisher (and others, as well) has advised that you need the opening of your work to grab your reader's attention. A action sequence, an intense dialog sequence, or whatever, must grab the reader within the first couple of pages, or risk losing their interest.
Additionally, I think introductions might be in order with regards to your primary character. I don't know why I care who these people are yet, but I don't know anything about them. You should strive to make me care, at least a little, in the first few pages.
- choko_canyonLv 74 years ago
It's okay, but not particularly grabby. As for the writing itself, here are a couple of editing notes:
1. Bartenders are typically appreciative when tipped. Mike wasn't.
2. If this is taking place in the U.S., it's a $5 dollar 'bill', not 'note'.
3. '...tall, muscular black man...', is correct, not '...tall, black, muscular man...'.
4. Capitalize 'He', as in "He wore a plain, white (next word did not appear)."
5. Don't repeat "grin" in the last line.
- 4 years ago
What is with that crappy opening paragraph which describes what the book is about?
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