Have you ever felt this way ? How can I overcome it?

Question

Hi ^-^ My name is Leah and im 14 years old and well this year I had this feeling, but everytime it gets worse. I have an amazing family and life, but this is causing me a lot of pain lately. All my life, I've always been a loner, I never fit in. I have always been a muchmore mature  erson compared to other people my age, at least thats what people tell me. I never remember having many friends but I have a few good ones :). Anyways, this year things got worse. I began to feel really anxious in places where a lot of pople where, and began to feel ashamed of myself. At school, I would always sit alone and even though I had a few friends, felt more alone than ever. A lot of guys actually have looked interested in me ( the first year it happens ) but I feel it was just a way to make fun of me. Everytime I look in the mirror I feel ashamed of myself, and feel ugly. When I walk in the streets I feel like everyone stares at me, though many strangers smile at me. My shyness and anxiety keeps me away from my dreams and what I can achieve. But the thing that bothers me the most is now feeling ashamed of myself, I feel weird and not normal. Have you ever felt this way ? How can I overcome it ?

? · Accepted Answer

I can relate as I was painfully shy and had social anxiety. Today as an old man (52) I am still introverted but no longer shy beyond brief moments that get fewer as I get older.

So let me spare you some pain and I will relay to you my experience. Shyness is a function of an extreme and unreasonable fear of negative judgments of others.

While we are all unique individuals there is a common thread that runs between us all and that thread is emotion. Once one comes to objectivity understand that we are all insecure to one degree or another, this makes ones own insecurities seem ordinary, common and not as scary as when one errantly assumes that they are insecure while others are not.

Next a few words on confidence. Confidence comes from caring little what others think specifically about you. We need to care what others say in general, but what others think of you should be limited and contextual. It is good to care about what others think about us but not to the point where one bases their self-esteem and sense of self worth upon the subjective views of others.

I learned what I know largely through the study of philosophy. Do not approach philosophy in an academic way, approach philosophy in a practical way and read what philosophers have to say about fear, confidence, anger, etc., and see what teachings the philosophers taught that can make your life better.

Good luck my friend, I sure wish someone had told me this stuff when I was young as it would have made the road I have traveled a bit less bumpy. One last thing. This will likely be the hardest thing that you have ever done in your life so make a choice, to continue on as you are or overcome shyness. I lived for decades as a shy guy and I am here to tell you that overcoming my shyness has massively increased my quality of life and happiness! If I could do it I have no doubt that you can too!

angela · Answer

Stop trying to fit in perhaps you were born to stand out and remember winner s never quit and quitters never win

lala · Answer

Your self esteem is very low 
 Read some good books about self esteem 
 also theater class is good for becoming more confident

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Have you ever felt this way ? How can I overcome it?

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