Is it true that Henry VIII fought mecha pigs with lasers on Saturn?

Henry The VIII also known as Henry V8(V here stands for Victor) (that's where the V8 engines name comes from) has thought pigs in mechs (not mecha pigs, but rather pigs that were mind controlled by Welsh, and as pigs brain is similar to human, it is enough to be used to control mech) with laser assisted (for aiming) weaponry. You see, laser is useless as weapon as will be stopped by dust and any other small particles in the air, so it looses the power (damage).

100% Authentic - Abraham Lincoln helped