How to handle a friend that wont leave you alone? Feeling like im being stalked/smothered.?

Question

Hes been my friend for 15 years. He has a lot of problems like depression/anxiety these problems seem to get worse every day. Hes in therapy/on meds but it doesn't help. He messages me on FB a hundred times a day & constantly texts. The second i open my facebook he messages me. I feel like i cant even open and check Facebook because the messages start flooding in. Like he sits there and waits to see when i was last active. If i dont answer he says "u were just active 10 minutes ago and you didnt answer me"!   Ive even tried turning off chat and it doesnt stop him. Ive tried telling him several times that i feel overwhelmed with all the texts, and that we can be friends and not talk every second of every day. Then it stops for a day or two and starts right back up again. Telling him does nothing. I have a spouce and family that i have to take care of and i feel like i have to be a therapist to him on top of my home life. One of my kids is handicapped and that in itself takes a lot of my time and energy. But my friend still expects i cater to his every text. He lives far away and has no car so he cant come here to my home but the calls and texts are so overwhelming. I dont want to end our friendship or hurt his feelings but i feel out of options. Im also afraid ending the friendship could cause him to harrass me more or possibly talk bad or spread lies and stuff over facebook about me. But i cant take much more. It feels like a toxic one sided friendship. Idk what to do..

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

"It feels like a toxic one sided friendship."  That's because it is.  He's using you and you're letting him.

You need to understand that it is YOUR responsibility to establish appropriate boundaries with the people in your life.  If he cannot or will not respect your boundaries, then he has to go.   Sit him down and tell him that point-blank and then follow-through.    If you would feel more comfortable with a third party there, you can ask if you can attend one of his therapy sessions with him.  The therapist can help moderate the discussion.

You are not his mommy or his therapist.  You're entitled to your own life and some privacy.  You do not have to give him instant gratification.  But as I said, it's YOUR responsibility to establish and enforce your own boundaries.

"Im also afraid ending the friendship could cause him to harrass me more or possibly talk bad or spread lies and stuff over facebook about me."   You have legal remedies available if he harasses you.   In addition, no one on FB is going to believe this nut job.  Consider NOT using FB for awhile.  You sound way too involved in that artificial world.  As you said, you have a spouse and a family.   That is where your attention should be.

poopy · Answer

im that friend lol, just imagine you being in the desperate situation, one day it will be flipped

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How to handle a friend that wont leave you alone? Feeling like im being stalked/smothered.?

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