Should I end things with him, for good ?

Question

So my boyfriend and I went on a break after being together for a year and I felt we just needed some space to hopefully work on improving ourselves. I'm currently doing year 12, while he finished last year. Problem is, he has no motivations or ambitions to do anything whatsoever. He struggles with anxiety, depression and insomnia as a result and he is trying to lose weight, (as he is quite overweight). Not having a mother present in his life is difficult for him too (it's only him and his dad). His dad works literally long hours everyday and is on a low income. He tells me how he wants to contribute, though his anxiety speaks louder than his goals. I've tried supporting him and encouraging him in every way I can. It's getting to the point where I'm frustrated with him and want to give up. He has great computer skills (spends majority of his time gaming, YouTube-ing and listening to music). I've suggested he get into IT, which is what his plan used to be. He has never had an actual job and is almost 18. I also think he has abandonment issues, he always worries about us breaking up and what he would do if that was to happen, as well as him not being able to provide for a future family. He can be very clingy and likes to smother me even in public. It's okay, but I'm an independent person and feel I need my own space at times. 
I know I can only make this decision,
but advice would be greatly appreciated as I'm not 100 percent sure what to do..

Katherine W · Accepted Answer

Look up "co-dependent."

Read what you wrote. When I read it, I see that it's all about him, his needs, his hobbies, his emotions. Where are you in this?

I strongly suggest that you start focusing on you. What will you do after you finish Year 12? What are your ambitions? What are your goals? What makes you happy? Where do you want to be in five years? In ten years?

I know you care about this guy, but he's not the right guy for you. Every day that you spend focused on him means one less day for you to find someone who is your equal.

You can try to be the mother he doesn't have, but that's just going to leave you more frustrated.

So, think about it. But I suggest you tell him that he needs therapy, and that your trying to help him isn't going to help, and then you say you wish him well and you go on with your life. It will be painful for a few days, but at some point you're going to realize that you're happier being independent and focused on your own life.

Bertsta · Answer

"End" usually means "for good" so you didn't need to say it, but yeah

Anonymous · Answer

Yes

? · Answer

If you want to make a good decision that you won't regret later on, then you need to think about whether you are still attracted to him or not.

If you aren't attracted to him any more for whatever reason that might be, then you should leave him and find someone else.

And if you tell the guy why you want to leave, then tell him that you've changed, and now you don't feel attracted to him anymore.  You should talk about yourself, rather than about him. Or else you'll end up putting him down and making him feel even worse than he feels now.

? · Answer

He sounds like he's battling depression. He'll never make it in I.T. the way he's going. I.T. requires integrity (unlike deFaceBook) and he doesn't sound like one could trust him to keep his word. His issues are such that you really can't help him with except to stress he needs a professional to talk with and get his inner person back on track. Keep in mind too, you can only help those who want to help themselves.  You sound like you want to move forward and unless he gets help he'll take you down to his level. What you decided to do is up to you but if you do want to give him one last try, insist he seek help (offer to go with him) and if he doesn't, then he's also decided your relationship isn't worth saving.

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Should I end things with him, for good ?

5 Answers