Am I being used..? Dating advice?

Question

Hello,
I’m a 24 year old closeted guy. In February of this year (2018) I began to see a 40 year old man. At first it was just for sex. Then it got deeper. I fell in love with him but he doesn’t feel the same way. He tells me that he has feelings for me, but won’t act on them. He says he had a traumatic relationship before and isn’t ready for a relationship or even an exclusive one. And now I feel like I’m being used because I know he still is seeing (having sex with) other men. I tell him and he just says “I’ve told you before I’m not going to begin a relationship with you”. 
I’d just like some advice on this. 
Please no judging. Thanks

Flying Ferret · Answer

He's told you bluntly he doesn't want a relationship. Just sex, as always. He doesn't love you.
Yes, he's using you but he's not lying about it.
There are plenty of kind men who would fall in love with you. Let go of this man and work up your courage to meet someone new.

Ocimom · Answer

He was upfront with you - he's seeing other guys.  So move on and find someone that is more serious about a relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

look like !

Foofa · Answer

If you're enjoying the sex then you're not being "used". But if your goal is marriage and/or a settled domestic relationship you're not going to find it with this man.

pit bulls bite · Answer

thats the problem with FWB's,,,,,,some one falls in love

Anonymous · Answer

YES - Groomed and being used as a semen disposal bucket.

chris n · Answer

Sorry honey but you are in a situation like girls having a FWB.  This guy seems to have been very upfront with you.  He likes you a lot but he is determined not to get into a one-one situation with ANYBODY......and that includes you.  It's up to you, therefore, whether you want to stay with him and not give yourself the opportunity to meet a possible life-partner.  Do take care sexually though and take precautions as this chap has sex with lots of other people and is at a greater risk of STDs......and so are you.  He is the leader in your relationship and he has laid down the rules.  It's up to you whether you want to stick with them or leave and go your own way.  Good luck.

Smelzabut · Answer

The guy is using you for sex because he’s an aging gay man without a serious relationship and he’s not able to have a family. That sort of thing grates on someone of 40 whom knows they’re starting to age and go downhill. The minute you said 24 and 40 it drew up a red flag. He doesn’t view you as a serious partner

bender_xr217 · Answer

He told you, "I’ve told you before I’m not going to begin a relationship with you”.
He isn't using you, he's abiding by what he said.
If you still want to see him you have to accept those terms, otherwise move on.

Anonymous · Answer

despite my feelings about men with men he has been honest with you. if it was a girl writing the advice would be to leave the relationship. take that advice. there is a song 'breaking up is hard to do' but must be better than a lifetime of misery

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Am I being used..? Dating advice?

12 Answers