How do you handle a grown daughter that is so selfish and self centered and so invasively nosey at the same time?

she may be a democrat, so nothing for now.......

If she is self-centered, she does not see the consequences of how her actions directly affect others. She only sees herself She may never see herself at all in affecting others. Where is she being self-centered and nosey Is she coming to your house to do so? Is she this way around other family members at family gatherings? I have an older sister who is like this. She has always been like this even as a child, it does not have much to do with our parents not trying to teach her, or church lessons not trying to teach her, it is her personality to be self-centered and critical of others. So a few of us younger siblings (I am one of 10 children and have 5 brothers an 4 sisters) is that at family gatherings such as the annual family camping trip, my little family of my husband and child, we get our own campsite away from the group (we have dogs that do not love small children). We cook our own food so there is no fight about us showing up just to eat without contributing, we take care of our own campsite, but we also do not go out of our way to seek out this one sister's company, meaning I do not put my chair next to hers at the family campfire, nor do I put my towel next to hers at the beach at the lake. When she goes into her ranting mode, I get up and walk away and play with the nieces and nephews I have not seen in months. When she offers her poor opinion, I speak next and offer encouragement to her target, I offer forgiveness to her target, and I make sure they understand I do not agree with her. When she stopped receiving my attention, she was confused a bit. And that is what you need to practice with your own self-centered child -- she seeks attention by behaving this way, you simply stop giving her the attention she craves. My sister preens when she offers her poor opinion and people agree with her. When I stopped seeking to sit next to her to hear her words in the first place, she was rather disconcerted. When I continued to not even go to her towel at the lake, when I did not sit next to her at the campfire, when I spent my time visibly with 6 or 7 other siblings or 7 of my nephews or my own husband and child, she was still confused. I did not openly SAY I was avoiding her company, I just no longer visibly made it a point to seek out her company in a gathering. Over time, I did not visibly avoid her purposely to show I was avoiding her, I simply visibly gave my attention to 20 other people at the party, my other siblings and their wives and my nephews and nieces. When I walked into the area where she was "holding court" with those giving her their attention to her poor opinion, I immediately turned around and walked out and gave my attention to a nice or nephew or sibling or in-law or family friend. It did take her a while to see that I was avoiding her, but when she tried to get my attention back, I would immediately change the subject, ask a question that distracted her, or simply said to her, "That person is not here right now and I would rather not talk about them behind their back," and then I would get up and walk away. I changed my own behavior around her. Since I could not change her, I changed myself. One thing I did was use as a starting point was understanding her poor opinion was every day. Every day is a bad day, every opinion is a poor opinion. That is now my starting point with her. I no longer expect a better opinion from her. I also no longer allow her opinion to be the final opinion. She has a poor opinion of a nephew or two, then it is up to me to talk directly to the nephews and find out their side of the story and form my own opinion, and hers is no longer the opinion I choose to support. I also no longer seek her approval. When I do my thing, hers is no longer the approval I seek. I know already she disapproves of what I do, therefore, I no longer seek her approval to do what I do. I do my thing anyway and enjoy myself doing my own thing with or without her. I also have a better sense of humor. Hers is a poor opinion and no humor about flaws and failures, I enjoy laughing with my siblings, nieces, and nephews about our tales of woe, our tales of epic failures, and our tales of mistakes and flaws. And this is what you must lean to do - stop giving this person your attention and response they desire. They want you to feel bad with them their woe, do not. No longer pity them and deny the people this person hurt. Instead offer empathy to the person they hurt. When they seek attention of how great they are, ask about the people who helped them. At every success there were people along the way who helped, and seek to find out who spent several hours behind the scenes doing the dirty work for the star to shine. Give your attention and regard to the person behind the scenes, and offer them an equal measure of what the self-centered person desires, WITHOUT coming out and saying to this one person you are doing so. The more you put your attention to others around this person instead of looking only at the one. You have others around you who need more attention. Whenever this one demands attention, simply say "wait your turn", and proceed to continue finishing your attention to the other. The more you practice this, the more she will see that her behavior is what is impolite. You have to practice this in action, not come out and say it. The more you give her "good attention" when she is being good, and no longer give her attention when her behavior is bad, the more she will adapt to the change and you can begin a new way of being in her company. Do so and good luck.

Spankings.