How do I know if he just wants sex?

Hi, Mary,

It is good that you found a guy you like very much. If I were in your place, I wouldn't feel pressured to sleep with a guy right away. Give yourself some time to get to know him first. I'm not dating anybody right now, since I'm in a committed relationship, but if I were dating, I know I'd take my time to get to know a guy well before sleeping with him. By waiting, you can get an idea of what type of person he is and whether he is worth more than a minute of your time.

There are some guys out there who are only interested in sex and then moving on. I know I encountered plenty of that type. However, by not going to bed at the beginning of a relationship, you are showing that you are serious about a guy and that you value an emotional connection and intimacy over casual sex. He will respect that. If he doesn't, then he isn't worth more than a minute of your time.

Here are some things to think about with regard to a guy who is only looking for sex:

1. He mostly just talks about sex when you are alone. Some of the ones I went out with mainly just wanted me to go to their place rather than taking me out on real dates and then trying to get me into their bed.

2. You might find out that you are the "weekday girl." That could mean that you are the other woman on the side. I had a guy like that take me out a few times, and we never went out on real dates and it was always on a weekday. Hmmmm. I dropped him quickly. By going out with your guy a bunch of times, you can determine, as I did, what a guy's true intentions are.

3. You won't really get to know him, even after a period of time, because he doesn't introduce you to his friends or talk about his personal life.

4. He may call you late at night to get together. That sounds like a booty call.

5. If you suggest activities that you can do together, such as going to a movie, dinner, and real date-type activities, he will blow you off. He needs to show involvement and interest in your other than a sexual hangout situation. There should be actual conversation.

6. He compliments you on your physical appearance all of the time, but talks little about aspects of your intellect or personality.

My advice is to slow it down. You want to get to know him and give yourself time to know if sex is all that he wants. Make sure that when you talk with him, you are upfront about what you want. Don't start talking about serious commitment yet before you know him, but do let him know that you want more than just a romp under the sheets with him. If your guy is heavily flirting with you and only seeming to be physical with you, that's a warning sign to you. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

That's really up to you do decide...you have to gauge by his actions which one it is. Expecting sex after the second date seems a way too soon to me, if you want it to be more than a casual relationship. If that's what you want, then it's fine. If you want more than that, or you want to wait until YOU are ready to get naked with him and he pushes the issue...you know what to say.

I would be more worried that your turning him down, last time, turned him off. By now, he's got a lot of time and money invested, for just conversation. Remember, that if it turns out "sex is all he wanted" then sex is all you contributed to the relationship. You better try the sex, and then see if he's interested. You can't find out any other way. Except by making him think you don't enjoy sex.

if there's any doubt at all about it, then you can pretty much take that for granted