why bother doing anything(depressed)?

(this will be long sorry) im 22 live with my parents, work part time

I've had depression for as long as I've known, yes i'm on medication and its been boosted several times doesn't help, I also have aspergers and haven't been able to get therapy (more like im tired of chasing up for help and not getting any for the past 3 years) I have no friends never really have, no relationships. I don't like partying or drinking etc. I constantly either obsessively clean and save and cut myself off or go out and buy lots of stuff (clothes, books video games etc) but am never satisfied, and there's never an in between. I'm atheist and wish I wasn't so I could either look up to something or be angry at something. I'm not sure if I hate myself or humanity more, even though i'm aware of good things and improvement in the world which makes me feel like a jerk not to mention I have a roof over my head wifi etc which makes me feel like an ungrateful piece of crap, but I don't try to contribute to the world either which I think automatically makes me a bad person. and I think everything is meaningless and everyone else says "create your own meaning" but then I just feel stupid for not having one or a 'purpose/direction' and eel negative about everything Why do I do anything and what should I do now? I can't help having a negative opinion on everything I do, I either feel sad or just empty or angry at myself.