how do i help her with OCD?

Question

This concerns my sister. I am actually not sure if she does have OCD or not but she has displayed symptoms a few times like closing the door and rechecking if it's closed every time after someone enters the room or panicking if her hand gets marked with something like henna that is hard to remove. It gets irritating and i try not to get angry and support her but she gets violent at times. If I tell her to be patient and just try battling it a little she says no and that she doesn't want the anxiety she gets. I don't know if she is tying or not but I tell her that she should slowly expose herself to things more or else it will be hard for her in the future. Am I wrong? Is this too forced? I support her most of the times anyway and don't forcefully expose her I just advice her

Lava · Answer

I appreciate you're trying to help, but often pushing someone who may have an anxiety disorder into fighting their impulses without also teaching them new coping mechanisms just makes things worse.  She needs to speak to a professional that's experienced in treating anxiety disorders and can help her address not only her symptoms but the underlying cause.

Simpson G. · Answer

You need to stop trying to “help her”. So far, you’ve said every single thing wrong. You are not a therapist nor have you spent any serious time in therapy, yet you’re giving horrible hurtful advice acting as a therapist.

You are not a person trained to make a psychiatric diagnosis. Stop labeling her ocd.

How on earth is her double checking door locks or not liking crap on her hands affecting you seriously?  Ok, some of it might be a touch annoying, but to the point of being irritated or angry? Nah. Not even close. And if she is suffering from a mental illness, it’s ok to get angry?  Would you be angry if she had cancer?

That youre having this massive overreaction to these things tells me that a therapist would be helpful for you. This isn’t an insult at all - I think it could help you aim your compassion better and will allow your feelings to be addressed and sorted through. Having a loved one with mental illness is devastating on every one in the family. Therapy can help family members process what they are feeling.

Please:

- You don’t tell someone with anxiety to “be patent”. 
- You don’t tell someone to just try harder and the illness will go away. I’m appalled at this notion. 
- OCD isn’t symptoms that happen “a few times”. 
- Violence is not ok. You need to tell your parents and speak with your guidance counselor. 
- You don’t automatically fix mental illness by exposing the patient to things that trigger symptoms. Desensitization should not be done without a therapist actively participating.  Sissy doesn’t even have a real diagnosis at this point.

Stop trying to fix her. Youre being insulting and you’re dismissive of her feelings. The best things you can do are 
- Be sympathetic without weighing in. “I’m really sorry youre feeling anxious.” 
- Listen to her instead of talking down to her. “And how can I help you right now?  You used to love vanilla ice cream.  Can I make you some of that?”
- Encourage her to find ‘someone to talk to’. If she’s under 18, you need to let your parents know.

Anonymous · Answer

'I try not to get angry'.
Why get angry at someone who has a mind issue- something that they cannot help? Do you think your sister wants to be obsessively and compulsively nervous about stuff all the time? No.
You can't help her, especially not with that attitude. She needs CBT or therapy.

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how do i help her with OCD?

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