Looking for feedback on my writing.?

Yeah, it's not half bad. Could use some tweaks and stuff.

1. You have many grammatical errors that are pretty simple to fix. A small group of survivors sat quiet and eerie, wondering if help was on it's way or not. You needed to add the comma and it's not its. The sentence sounds too casual, especially the on it's way or not part. You sound as if you are talking. Writing is a completely different thing.

2. You go from past to future and then to present tense. It's pretty confusing. For example, The skies would (future) glow a distant, dim orange at night and blow a fierce gust at day. (so what time is it now?) Clouds of deep brown constantly hung (see back to past) over the lands and split their irradiated rains during the day.

3. We don't need an intro for Nelson and his parents. Just get into the story already! Stop telling us details, show them. Like instead of: James had a small gash on his eyebrow that had dried and crusted a while ago, say: James winced as he blinked, the small gash above his eye hurting with the movement. See how much better its sounds? Again, you're writing as if you are talking.

4. Just noticed the title. They done it is completely grammatically incorrect. It's They have done it or They did it.

5. Instead of giving an intro to every character, try including the details with their actions or let the reader inference. For example, instead of saying that Nelson is 13, talk about him reading the X-men comic and the reader can inference that he's a teenager.

Just so you can see, I'm going to write down the first little bit in my own way and you see how you compare. (BTW, it would be really nice if you pasted your story with your question, not the link since this is a hassle and also I can't paste your work from Wattpad.)

Nelson sighed, as he gazed at the small light, flickering in the dark. He wondered if someone was coming to rescue them, he and his fellow survivors, after the bombing that deserted the surrounding towns. Restless, he watched the army private fiddle with the ham radio they found in the small bunker, to no avail. Nelson's parents sat beside him, talking quietly, his mother finicking over the small gash over his father's eye. He glanced over at his X-Men comic, sitting next to the lone man in the corner, a flask in his hand. John Ruskin, he said his name was, had a look of deep contemplation on his face as he chain-smoked a cigarette, polluting the already musky air. The only other activity was the mother of the two children, as she tried to contain them as they ran around the bunker, impatient. "Come back here, you two!" She scolded, as their father looked on.

Okay, that's it, I tried to get at least half of the story, but again it's yours and not mine. I hope I helped out. Don't worry, you just need practice. Everyone was terrible once (especially me) and you just need to get a little better. The ending is nice though, just reword it. I'm sure you'll get much better. :D (P.S I followed you.)

Look into writing apps like Grammarly, ProWritingAid and TypeRight.

First of all, I'll echo what John said, regarding the way you used "eerie" in that sentence.

Moving on, you seem to be making some classical beginner's mistakes.

1) Telling when showing would be the better option, and introducing every character in detail:

You start out by telling and then you go on to introduce a number of characters with age, family, physical description etc., which is one of the writing "no-nos". I felt like I was reading an introduction to the story (and not the actual story itself) until I reached: "Nelson's eyes stung", that's when the reader first gets a chance to connect with the main character.

2) Dialogue tags:

Your dialogue itself is pretty good and not too stilted, but there's absolutely no need to be creative with dialogue tags. Leave them out when possible (you do this quite well already), and when not, try to mainly stick to "said". Now there's nothing wrong with the occasional "asked" or "replied" etc., but you'll want to limit them. When you start stuffing them in the text like it's nobody's business (probably because you are afraid of your writing not being varied enough? Don't be), then it reads amateurish. You have "said", several "shouted", "asked", "replied", "cried" "joked", and "screamed" just within "They Done It". It's too much.

I would also suggest that you switch to "Nelson said" instead of "said Nelson", since the former is more used in modern writing.

And, look up how to punctuate dialogue correctly. Instead of

"Give it a rest kid." said John

It should be

"Give it a rest kid," said John or "Give it a rest kid," John said (comma instead of full stop)

Also I believe you made a mistake with

"X-men," replied James

Shouldn't it be Nelson saying this?

3) POV shifts

Watch out for them. The first part of the text is in Nelson's point of view, which continues into the flashback, but then suddenly it switches to James.

Finally, I don't know how the formatting works in Wattpad, but I would suggest that you try to mimic line-breaks and indentations like in other novels, so that the switch to the flashback becomes more obvious. And if that's not possible, then find some other way to indicate the switch, insert more space, a line, a "#" or something.

There are some other issues, but I know that it's already a lot to take in, but this should hopefully give you something to work with and an idea of what to study/read up on. There are a lot of good online resources on writing techniques, so start out by googling "show, don't tell", "how to hook your reader within the first paragraph" (and no, this doesn't necessarily mean action), "how to write dialogue", and "head hopping in novels" (how to avoid doing this).

Best of luck with this, and don't be discouraged. We all have to start somewhere, and trust me, I was much worse with the dialogue tags when I first started writing than you are. ;)

I agree with Whatever about snaring a snippet. What I normally do, is place up a few paragraphs of my first scenes then add a link to the rest so people can follow it if they choose. But I always send them to a safe, well known site like critique circle or absolute write.

Survivors sat quiet and eerie is just wrong. So I'm done - that's the second sentence.

Don't make people jump through hoops to read your story. Share a snippet here instead of expecting people to go to your link.