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Boyfriend won’t apologize for hurting my feelings..?
So we live together and I was watching videos of an over weight lady getting gastric bypass surgery and my boyfriend make a comment of how she’s lazy and is just taking the easy way out. Myself being obese and have seriously looked into getting a lap band surgery to aid me in weight loss. When he said that it made me feel like crap that that’s how he thinks of people needing help with weight loss. I explained to him that he is not obese and can not understand how this woman feels or how hard it is to lose weight. I said I looked into the surgery and asked if that makes me “lazy” and he said that’s how he feels. I am upset about this and whenever we work out he never cares to know how I feel and because he can ride his bike 10 miles at once, assumes I can and when I slow down he gets annoyed with me. I asked for an apology for hurting my feelings but he has straight up refused and said that’s not happening. I am now more upset that he doesn’t care about my feelings. Would you care? Its that time of the month so I’m extra hormonal but I just feel like complete **** now.
2 Answers
- PatriciaLv 72 years ago
It's not that hard to lose weight, it's just a process which takes time. Ask me, i know.
And you're just like everyone else who is feeling overweight and who would like to lose weight -- you're sensitive about it. It's understandable.
People apologize when they feel they have a reason to apologize. Demanding an apology is a bit weird. His comment about the lady getting the gastric bypass was NOT about you, it was about that lady on the video. And it's his opinion about her, not about you.
I understand gastric bypasses and lap bands do help a lot of people out there. I also understand that many people who are grossly overweight are that way because of emotional issues and binge-eating because of their issues. A person who has never been through this doesn't understand, and never will. Your boyfriend apparently has not and doesn't get it. You can't force him to understand.
I'm sure he heard how you felt, he just doesn't feel the same way. Not everyone does feel the same way about things.
If you aren't riding your bike ten miles, but he he does, oh well. I don't see why it has to be a huge issue. If you continue to ride your bicycle if you want to, then eventually, you'll do it.
Those surgeries are major operations by the way, and there are risks. I have empathy for anyone who is struggling with a weight problem, because i was there at one point in my life. It took a good while for me to lose the weight. Through it all i felt a lot better with every passing week. I eat whole, healthy foods, no processed foods, sugars or grains. it's unbelievable how much better i feel today.
So take it from me, your boyfriend wasn't insulting YOU. He was expressing an opinion about someone else all together.
If you feel like completeShit, it's because of your own thought process. do what you want to do for YOU. Don't do it for someone else. And if you are uncomfortable with the boyfriend, why are you with him at all?
- NancyLv 72 years ago
Look at him and ask him in earnest and ask him, "You saw Rhee?"
He'll say, "What?"
Then you repeat yourself looking really curious and intentful, "You saw RHEE?"
Whatever he says, just keep repeating the question until he repeats back to you, "I saw Rhee?!"
Then you suddenly flash a big gracious smile and say, "Awww. Well, thank you. I accept your apology."