Is my boyfriend too quiet?

Question

My boyfriend and I recently hung with my best friend and her husband basically for the first time at a bar setting. My friend is really loud, aggressive and outspoken and her husband was cracking jokes etc.
My boyfriend, however, has a very low voice and he's not very animated and he has a timid character about him so everyone was talking over him and he expressed that he's not crazy about being around loud and arrogant people.

I'm a balance of everything when it comes to socializing, so her personality doesn't matter to me, she's a good person/friend regardless, but my BF couldn't get a word in the convo because he's so soft spoken and not aggressive.
What do I tell my friend if they want to hang out again?
I don't want to tell her that my mate thinks they're too loud and arrogant. How do I smooth it over for next time if they invite us?

? · Accepted Answer

Your boyfriend doesn't enjoy being around loud people, maybe too much drinking at parties isn't his scene.  Like him or leave him.  People all have individual likes and dislikes.

Lisa · Answer

No just let him be.

Foofa · Answer

Doesn't sound like any normal person could have gotten a word in with your obnoxious friend there. But there's no rule that couples can't each have their own friends. Next time this woman invites you out just go by yourself.

? · Answer

All four members of couples do not always find each other great, so you compromise. You do not have to say anything to your friend about your bf’s personality, and I would hope that if they noticed anything and say something, you would take his side. Do something together that is not just sitting around and talking - a movie or concert or some other activity your husband enjoys. Or you make plans just with your girlfriend and give the guys the night off. “Too quiet” is only if you want to be with someone who is not so reserved. Not everyone is outgoing and there is nothing wrong with that.

Mikey · Answer

There is nothing to smooth over.  They aren't the types of people he wishes to associate with. Can't blame him either.

Robert · Answer

How about hanging out in a more quiet venue?  You can do something other than go to a loud bar

Pat Wooden · Answer

If it weren't for the word "arrogant" in the post, I would just say that this is a classic introvert-extrovert situation. Introverts by nature prefer quiet, because they are the thinkers and creators. Extroverts enjoy lots of social activities, and want to be always interacting with others--they are the doers. The world needs both and ideally they should both compromise. Your bf is already compromising by putting up with the uncomfortable social event. Your friend seems unwilling to compromise and let the bf express himself, which he interprets as arrogance.

If it were me, I would not use the insulting word "arrogant", but simply tell my friend not to always hog the conversation, and maybe allow others such as your bf to express their opinions. And leave your bf behind sometimes, so he can have his peace.

If it were me, I would not use the insulting word "arrogant", but simply tell my friend not to always hog the conversation, and maybe allow others such as your bf to express their opinions.  And leave your bf behind sometimes, so he can have his peace.

I enjoy helping people · Answer

If you do meet again, go somewhere that your boyfriend is very interested in, or that he knows a lot about?  That should get him talking more.

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Is my boyfriend too quiet?

8 Answers