Telling It Like It Is

Would you rather spend an evening out with your friend - perhaps drinking, eating and laughing OR having great sex/amazing sex with your significant other/life partner the entire night?

Which would you choose over the other if you were presented with an invite with friends or a night with your companion? 

Blunt answers welcome!!

I started writing a book about a young couple when I was a teen and in my 20s.

Now, in my 40's I returned to writing the book about the couple - a sort of steamy story with a lot of plot twists and turns.

My boyfriend is supportive of my writing and I've sent him some samples of the book I'm working on, but he said he's jealous of the male character and the relationship in the book???

He wants me to make the characters break up in the book and for the main character to be alone/single. The main character is loosely myself (it's written in first person) and I completely made up the male character in the relationship portion, so it's NOT based on real life or ANYTHING I've really experienced.

Can he be jealous of something or a person that doesn't exist? I'm only being creative in hopes of selling the book as an e-book ect. some day. Also, I've developed the characters YEARS before I met him and I love the dynamics of the story, so I don't want to change it for him.

How can I tell him his advisement is silly and ridiculous since everything is made up and he has nothing to be jealous of???

If you're using song lyrics in a book - not the entire song, just sentences here and there - do you need to credit the entire song/singer?

I'm writing a romance novel and using a couple of lines from a song that is way old and not too familiar. Would it be traditional to put who is singing the song and the name or - just for one or two verses not neccesary.

*Of course, asking for copyrighting reasons even though I don't think I will have this novel published for the general public to buy any time soon.

Thank you in advance!

I was "let go" from my job in August after nearly a year of working with a small team.

I feel deep down that my direct supervisor recommended my termination to Human Resources because - according to her - I couldn't "multitask" the way she wanted me to. She consistently said to me when I worked in the office, "Some people can multitask and some can't".

HR told me it was Covid times that caused the cut-backs, which I think is a safer way to let someone go these days.

 I do feel I was unfairly judged/terminated, as I went into the office and worked ALONE during the entire pandemic and was asked to literally be in 2 places at once and do the job of 4 people with no assistance in our office.

Now that I'm looking for work and need to send companies refrences, do I even bother listing this supervisor as a source????? She didn't say or confirm that I could list her as a reference when she fired me. I can list the umbrella company and the HR manager, but I didn't work directly with them.

Who should I list as a reference for this job - or not list them at all??

I connected with this woman a couple of years ago, as we both run and at first we really got along well and she was very inspiring - she was supposed to run a marathon and she was a great support for me as I was taking on more races.

The past year, however, following an injury she had, she isn't really running much and we don't connect on that level any more. 

I invited her to come out with me at least walking and doing something recreational. I also love to bike, and she hates biking.

The ONLY things she's into are knitting and if she gets together now, all she wants to do is sit somewhere and drink for 4-5 hours (this is all we've done together the past few times we hung out).

Even though she runs a bit,  I run more often and longer distances and it's not something she wants to do together.

I feel like we're not really all that compatible. She's fun to hang out with and she's a great person, but I can't share my hobbies or things in common with her. It would be a shame to let the friendship go, but I don't feel motivated by her and I don't feel like we can really enjoy time together. 

Any ideas or how to tell her I'd rather do other things than get drunk for hours sitting somewhere?

I've been doing personal video diaries before my boyfriend and I met 4 years ago, something I confessed to him was a hobby of mine to cope with life and things going on.

In light of the Covid pandemic and us being home together more often, he INSISTED we do video blogs together, and I said SURE.

However, he has nothing to say and he said he is extremely uncomfortable seeing himself on camera. I NEVER forced him to do the video diaries, which NO ONE will EVER see, but it seems a little more deep rooted than him not liking the way he looks on camera. He's very introverted and has nothing insightful to say or talk about.

When I tell I'm I decided to do my own videos by myself again since he doesn't like them, he gets offended that we didn't do more recordings together.

I do a lot of the personal recordings for myself to reflect on for the future and do a lot for coping/therapy outlet use for my video diaries, but my boyfriend won't tell me why he doesn't like talking on camera (FOR OUR PERSONAL USE) to talk about the pandemic and all that we're experiencing.

I don't care if he doesn't join me since it's always been my private project, but why is he so uncomfortable looking at himself and talking about what's going on?? 

Friend and unsupportive shouldn't go in the same sentence. However, I am friends for over a year now with another woman who runs - and is expected to run NYC Marathon if it happens.

Even though we're very close, have hung out a lot, went to races together, she really never supports my present accomplishments. Most of my friends interact with me on social media or text since we can't hang out, but she never offers feedback when we talk.

I ALWAYS give her props, and say I'm proud of her and support her, etc. I just don't feel like it's equal.

What can I say to her? I feel like we don't connect any more on any other level and she's always inviting me to video chat when I have nothing to say since she no longer supports running.

*She was also injured last year, so she's not running as much as when I met her. Maybe she is bitter and ca't relate?

I began a new job with a great company 3 months ago. They originally hired me to help with admin work as they sell homes and conduct interviews for potential homeowners.

The thing is, the admins who were there before me screwed up BIG time, losing a bunch of files, and apparently my company skipped over interviewing hundreds of people months before I came along.

NOW, my boss is coming down on me as I'm trying to help them fix the mess left behind and she's basically threatening that we could lose our jobs for being in this mess, which existed when I came onboard a couple months ago.

What do I say to her when she tells me to work faster and do MORE work - of which is all leftover nonsense from the workers before me!! I can't possibly work any faster or fix the screw-ups from last year.

I do like the job and it suits my skills, but how do I deal with demands that I just can't meet if I wasn't with the company when everything got out of whack. I know they hired me to help and repair things, but they're asking for some tasks that - at this point in time - are impossible to carry out.

Any advice on how to address these irrational demands?

I'm almost 40, have my own life and don't live with my mom but we share a phone line and some unsavvory things have been going on.

She made friends online with an Iranian man and since the Iran government cut off their internet, she called him on the phone (my phone account!) wracking up $60 from one phone call.

I told her to please get her own phone to make these calls with, as she currently has a lot of financial issues, so I'm afraid she won't be able to pay the additional money for the bill she's wracked up.

I only got her a phone line to help her out a couple years ago and now she's making international calls and told me days later.

I don't mind that she's friends with someone in another country but she's most likely getting swindled and said the guy is looking to come to the states, so it's important that she speak to him!!

She's only known him since the summer and I'm only against it because it effects my phone bill. We also live in NYC where there are TONS of people/men for her to meet without this communication problem.

This has lead to us not speaking for 3 weeks and she has such a horrible attitude towards me!! Any solutions?? Cut her off my phone bill??

Thanks!

My boyfriend and I recently hung with my best friend and her husband basically for the first time at a bar setting. My friend is really loud, aggressive and outspoken and her husband was cracking jokes etc.

My boyfriend, however, has a very low voice and he's not very animated and he has a timid character about him so everyone was talking over him and he expressed that he's not crazy about being around loud and arrogant people.

I'm a balance of everything when it comes to socializing, so her personality doesn't matter to me, she's a good person/friend regardless, but my BF couldn't get a word in the convo because he's so soft spoken and not aggressive.

What do I tell my friend if they want to hang out again?

I don't want to tell her that my mate thinks they're too loud and arrogant. How do I smooth it over for next time if they invite us?

I've had random people friend request me on Facebook - I see the notification, then the person removes their request a few hours later. Doesn't matter if it's a man or woman - just wondering why someone would retract a request if they don't even know the person. I"m thinking it could have been an accident on their phone, but there are some requests that I've had on for a day, then the stranger deletes it. If they don't even know me, what's the point in that?

I've only been friends with this woman since the beginning of the year and we've hung out a slew of times and she's really cool.

I'm not sure what to think because she goes into these spells for weeks at a time where if I message her, she'll just reply with a few words...Then a week later, she'll text me all day non stop as if we're best of friends.

I've told her face to face I know she gets busy at work etc., but does she need time alone and doesn't want to be close friends. I have so much to chat with her about and she oftentimes dismisses my messages -- then she'll message me out of the blue all day long and be sure involved.

I don't mind not talking to her all the time, but she seems just distant and rejects my convo a lot.

IS this maybe a sign of depression?? SHe's become close to me so she can be honest if something is wrong, or she's being private, but should I bother giving this friendship the benefit of the doubt or hold back in thinking she's a good friend?

I can write her a whole message sometimes and she just replies "ok, good" and then I don't hear from her for weeks.

I've having an event this weekend raising awareness for cancer. I told my boss about it in passing 3-4 months ago and he was like "Oh, wow, I'll buy t-shirts for your event, just give me the details!"

I sent him the info, the design etc, and each week he's been telling me he's ordering my shirts.

I didn't tell anyone from the event about the shirts because even a couple weeks ago my boss was still saying "I need to get you those shirts."

Soooo...the event is 2 days away and I'm NOT shocked AT ALL that he hasn't gotten me the shirts, so I don't even care to bring it up. HE was the one who kept saying he's going to donate these goods!!

What should I say to him after the event (since I never see him in the office to confront him anyway) if he apologizes for not getting the shirts. I KNEW he wasn't reliable, but I gave him the benefit of doubt and didn't care because I have lots of other donations coming in for the event.

I don't want to say 'Yeah, I knew you weren't going to come through for me!!" or "Yeah, I knew you didn't plan on getting them in the end."

How can I safely respond when he brings up the shirts next week? He didn't need to impress me and act "involved", so how can I respond when he brings it up?

I've worked with the same supervisor for 3 years. We've had plenty of interactions and he's the only one who thinks my response to things are "worrying and overreacting."

I'm not sure if it's because as a woman of Italian decent I tend to express myself and my feelings more aggressively and it's just my personality! He takes it as me "freaking out and panicking" when he's never seen me in full force!!

I can't change how I react to things because generally I'm SUPER calm and quiet but he still translates my reactions to things as being a worry wort.

If I'm at the calmest EVER, how do I respond to this supervisor even though I told him I'm not overreacting, this is my personality. I'm not even raising my voice or talking in a different tone - it's just my regular tone. If I calm down any more, I'll be sleeping!

I had to go to an orthopedic recently for a muscle issue in my foot. Since I'm a runner, I've been taking extra care to keep my feet healthy and safe.

When I told my orthopedic dr that I was professionally fitted for running sneakers, and that the shop recommended I wear a size bigger than normal (since they say feet swell up when you're running longer miles and help breathability), she was NOT impressed and said a bigger shoe size would be dangerous because the feet would be moving around more and prone to injury.

My dr is NOT a runner or a sports injury specialist, so I"m thinking the running shop pros are more knowledgeable about the feet and running sneakers?

The dr seems to think it's a gimmick (though I'm not sure how??) but her "professional" opinion is extremely wrong in the running world.

Who's judgement do I trust? I feel ok wearing either size - one slightly bigger and one that's true to size.

A lot of people I know in their 40s (close to my age) are looking to or already own homes/land etc and to be quite honest, I have NO want or desire to own and maintain a home, pay property taxes or even buy a condo/co-op where it's basically buying an apartment and you're living close to other people.

I've rented my own place for over a decade and I like not having to find a repair man or deal with house issues ( eve though I rent an apartment in a private house, I have minimal responsiblities and restrictions!!)

A friend of mine went on and on about how her and her hubby are pricing land to buy a house and fix it up - and I don't want to seem immature or un-adult like, but I would never want the burden of owning property and putting additions on a home, dealing with contracts.. etc.

Am I just spoiled by renters' life?

Also, we live in NYC and it's crazy expensive to own anything!!

I've worked closely with a few politicians over the past decade as a resident and a reporter for my local paper. They attend block parties, senior center events and of course want the publicity!!!!

I recently began coordinating an event to benefit a cancer which took my dad's life - and I'm getting a lot of great volunteers and even companies are sponsoring the event and giving away stuff.

Of course, or strangely - when I asked the few politicians who were always sooo nice to me to help me get the word out or help me obtain rescources, they've done NOTHING!

I'm NOT asking for their money or donations, I was hoping they'd actually spread the word and work in collaboration with me since I always gave them positive press and my event is for a good cause.

Why bother voting for politicians who limit their "support" to select events. Even if they shared my event on social media once or twice, I feel like I expected more involvement and help from those I voted for.

Should I be persistent and ask them to help more or cut it as loss to the event even though they wanted their names attached as "sponsors".

Me and my friend text like once or twice a week and sometimes the messages go nowhere or have a dangling "end".

I'll write a paragraph and she'll respond "Yeah, I hear ya" or something generic. Even when she texts me first and then we say "yeah, everything's good" "that's cool" and then the texts end.

Unless there's something dramatic to talk about like our relationships/work/friends, we don't have much to say (and I don't have any dramatic situations to go on and on about, sooo....).

Is it pointless to text if we really have little to keep conversation about?? I let her know about all the positive things going on and she just writes back (or says in real life) "Oh, that's good.." We have great convo when we're complaining LOL! What about texts that go nowhere?

I recently joined a FB group for runners and it's a great resource for info about injuries, races, and advice on exercise, so I've benefited from joining and sharing training techniques.

A few women on there have gone back and forth with me on my posts and then they add me as friends to share fitness journies, which I don't mind.

I'm finding that after I added a couple of them and they became "supportive" of my half marathon training, they asked me to join a trial nutritional/training program they manage. They ARE professional coaches and have meal plans etc., but I'm not in need of any assistance and have my own training schedule.

I've now stopped adding people from the group since it seems like they just want to get women to pay for programs to lose weight or guide them through training.

Are groups like these scams?? I never asked anyone for help on the group, only advice on a couple of injuries I had in the past.

I've been working for my company for 3 years now and only have a couple of people I'm connected with on Facebook/Instagram.

As a result, I get "friend suggestions" to connect with other co-workers in the company who I rarely see (in another state) and others who I'm friendly with but just never thought of adding/sharing my life with.

We talk about semi-personal issues at work and I don't have anything super personal on social media, but after a few years is it ok to add more people you work with or should there be a deeper bond within your personal life to connect and share things with them?