I used to be a person that really enjoyed relationships until I experienced my first heartbreak. What should I do?

Question

I saw my ex as a person that could do no wrong, I loved him and I really admired him, I thought he would be one to protect me and never expected him to hurt me the way that he did. I also had very little closure in this breakup, It was a very difficult time for me. Although I am over the person, I feel that I am a changed person from it and in negative ways. I used to be so sweet, and although I was naive I feel like I gave people the benefit of the doubt a lot.
 Deep down I seek intimacy, I love being in love, but the break up has really built me into a person that has grown to be content with being alone, and deep down I think that I am traumatized from my last relationship. It is hard for me to see men as genuine, I often feel like they are talking from a script and are all the same. I don't know if I should seek therapy, or what I should do, because given that it has been a year and a half I am disappointed that I am still dealing with the aftermath of that relationship, and I am tired of it. It's like the pain is gone but the scars are still there. I do not love him anymore, but I feel permanently damaged from that breakup, because I gave him too much power, over my emotions and over my happiness, that when it all blew up in my face, I hit a very low point in my life (especially because I had no closure). Any advice is greatly appreciated!

Anonymous · Answer

What do you do?  You listen to the heartbreak theme song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MXSQrLxx2c

Anonymous · Answer

Ah, Love, sorry you are going through this.

I have been burned, scorched, by men in my life. They absolutely changed me. I can tell you what I've learned from the first burn, which took me years to get over him, that closure, I believe, is IN the healing. I still don't know why he ultimately rejected me, and I know he will never ever tell me. I feel like the healing has been strong enough that I won't ever require an answer as to why/who/how/etc, and I'm fine with that. Each year that passed after, I worried less about it and healed more from it. Moving on to a different relationship when I was ready also helped. I think once you are well-healed from this last relationship, it's possible you'll feel similar.

My wounds are healed into scars and I've explored other relationships since then. AND, since I've had my heart smashed a couple of times since (my second heartbreak was worse then the first), I know I'm not a quitter. Rejection and disappointment will always hurt, but I'm learning to accept them better each time it happens. I've sought therapy online through a program and it helped a bit.

I think being in a relationship is a delicate balance. You don't want to lose yourself, but you don't want to withhold everything in fear, either. So we give pieces of ourselves. It's a gamble for a possible great love. And ultimately I think it's worth it.

I think 1.5 years isn't a terribly long time for healing, though some may say it is. Be patient with yourself, you may still be healing, and during this time you may feel like you would rather be alone, and I don't doubt you are still traumatized. I don't think this is abnormal for someone who loves deeply and gets hurt.

I also understand about looking at men and doubting their genuineness. I've learned from past burns that sometimes men aren't always truthful, and I've learned to follow my gut. So much so that I had a feeling about one partner I had and decided not to ignore it and I caught him doing something dump-worthy. Do my past experiences make me paranoid? I don't think so. I still look at my male friends and family members as great, trustworthy males. I know they still exist. I'm just no longer as naive as I once was. I am still open to love.

Don't try to rush your healing, don't get frustrated with yourself. You will come out the other side with care and patience. Heartbreak is extremely painful. hugs

edited to add
Ah, well, you are lucky to get some type of explanation. It sounds to me like you are still healing. Set your sights on being open to love in the future so you are headed in a good direction, but be gentle with yourself.

someone · Answer

Love hurts whether you break up or not. Not dating the guy you like also hurts

Trending News

I used to be a person that really enjoyed relationships until I experienced my first heartbreak. What should I do?

3 Answers