How do I mourn my baby?

Question

Three years ago today I was pregnant with a little boy I went into premature labor and had a neonatal birth at 5months. 3years later and I have not been able to mourn him. I had a void. I ended up getting pregnant again having a little girl a year later. I have a 9yr old girl already. I thought getting pregnant again would help fill the void but as I've been told it hasn't. I rememebe the day like yesterday. I have NEVER been able to even look at the box of his keepsakes the hospital gives I can't even have it in my home. My sister has it. The depression and loss effected my relationship to the point we're we ended. Me nor the father spoke on him after and never mourned our loss together or seperate. I have a necklace of his ashes I've never been able to wear and I break down even just lookin at it. I think of him EVERY SINGLE DAY. He would have been 3 today and I want to begin the healing process but I don't no how. I want to go through his box and honestly just cry. I feel like I have endless tears for him. My sister lights a candle every year on his birthdate and as a parent I feel sooo guilty that I'm not strong enough to even acknowledge it. Is it healthy to just cry my lungs out and go through his box? What is a healthy way for me to mourn my son today and begin the process of acceptance.

Please help me

Anonymous · Answer

Awe, it’s a tough, tough loss! There’s no easy way to deal, but dealing with it, IS important. Unfortunately I have lost unborn children, one much further along than the others, but there’s no easy way to deal, but its important to acknowledge the loss and look for comfort in dealing. I know for me one of the main things that helps is the hope that our lost loved ones have hope that involves all of our futures. One other thought that helps me cope is the thought that my daughter would not have been born had I not suffered that loss, and it’s hard to believe what all I would have missed out on, having already raised her. I think about the hope for the future that our loved ones will be resurrected and I know that I will have both my children in the future. I will share a few articles that you might find helpful in grieving the loss. I recommend that you read them. They are free. 
I hope they help you.You are in my thoughts and prayers.

When Someone You Love Dies- Is It Normal To Feel This Way?

https://www.jw.org/en/library/books/when-someone-dies/is-it-normal-grieving-process/

What A Parent Feels (dealing with the loss of a child);

https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/101985282#h=7

A Sure Hope For The Dead;

https://www.jw.org/en/library/books/when-someone-dies/sure-hope-for-the-dead/

? · Answer

Call his father and let him know what you’re doing.  He should be there, even if he has his own family it doesn’t matter.  See a therapist that can help

Ranchmom1 · Answer

I am so sorry for the loss of your child.

Taking the box home and having a good cry while you are without disruption would be a very good place to start. There is no reason *not* to cry over this loss - he was your son, you were excited for his birth and your future as his mother, you imagined him growing up - and all of that was ended so suddenly. It is 100% normal to want to and *need* to cry for his loss.

Our oldest daughter lost one of her daughter as 23 weeks' gestation 9 years ago. I cried so hard that I honestly didn't know I had that many tears, or that someone could cry that much.

This book helped our daughter as she dealt with the loss of her daughter:

https://www.amazon.com/Will-Carry-You-Sacred-Dance/dp/080546428X

Please also talk with a counselor who specializes in grief. You are right that this will not suddenly get better without you being able to fully process your feelings. It will negatively impact you and your daughters until you are able to truly grieve.

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How do I mourn my baby?

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