What are these signs of?

You had a combo of PTSD and depression.

*** Happiness and Self-Worth

Vital to happiness is a feeling of personal dignity, or self-worth. Because of human imperfection and the resulting weaknesses, some have a negative view of themselves, and for many, such feelings date from childhood. It may be hard to overcome entrenched feelings, but it can be done. The solution lies in applying God’s Word.

The Bible explains how the Creator feels about us. Is not his view more important than that of any human—even our own? The very personification of love, God looks at us without prejudice or malice. He sees us for what we are, as well as for what we can be. (1 Samuel 16:7; 1 John 4:8) In fact, he views those wanting to please him as precious, yes, desirable, whatever their imperfections.—Daniel 9:23; Haggai 2:7.

Of course, God does not ignore our weaknesses and any sins we commit. He expects us to try hard to do what is right, and he supports us when we do so. (Luke 13:24) Still, the Bible says: “As a father shows mercy to his sons, Jehovah has shown mercy to those fearing him.” It also says: “If errors were what you watch, O Jah, O Jehovah, who could stand? For there is the true forgiveness with you, in order that you may be feared.”—Psalm 103:13; 130:3, 4.

** So learn to see yourself through God’s eyes. Knowing that he views those who love him as desirable and that he has confidence in them—even though they may view themselves as unworthy—can do much to enhance a person’s happiness.—1 John 3:19, 20.

you're afraid of being alone?  did the bullying take you away from your joys? 

It sounds like you have a eat disorder and you are you depressed   just hang in there  it will get better 

Oh poor baby. Cry me a river Nancy boy.

You're becoming a sociopath if you're not already one I know exactly what you're talking about because I went through the exact same thing as a child a lot of mental and physical abuse I'm 60 years old today I never had a normal life I never dated I have only one child I had only one woman. I don't hang around with people or keep friends I stick to myself. 

I have no desire to form relationships with people. 

However I have no desire to injure or to cause harm to people that's called a sociopath.

Unfortunately there are people that were injured in childhood that go on to want to hurt everybody and they're called psychopaths

They are signs of weakness, you are afraid of confrontation, probably because you don't know how to face it.