My boyfriend is “surprising” me with presents that my mom buys for him.?

Question

I recently found out that my mom has been giving my boyfriend gifts for him to give me. The first time it happened was about 9 months into our relationship.  She gave him a gift card which he later gave to me. The second time it happened was last month. She bought an encased rose and gave it to him to give to me as a “surprise.”

My boyfriend is a cheapskate. He refuses to buy me anything over $10 which is why I found it extremely weird when I saw that the gift card was $20 and that the encased rose was $30. When I mentioned this detail to my mom she admitted to me that she was the one who bought the gifts but that my boyfriend paid her back for them. She said she began to do this after I told her that I was a bit sad about the fact that I had not received any nice presents from my boyfriend 9 months into our relationship.

My mom tells me that I shouldn’t be upset about this issue since she’s just trying to help my boyfriend out since he is autistic and is unable to drive due to a physical disability.

Today I accidentally read a message from my mom to my boyfriend that said that she bought my Valentine’s Day present and that she will give it to him the next time he comes to our house. Receiving a gift from my boyfriend that was given to him by my mom just doesn’t feel the same as receiving a gift that he himself bought.

Am I wrong for being mad about the fact that my mom is buying gifts for me and then giving them to my boyfriend so he can surprise me with them?

D50 · Answer

This is so weird. It's not his fault, of course, but he's a loser and your mom is trying to stick you with him. Why? What's in it for her? Does she want to run your life forever?

Dr. Stephanie · Answer

This is really screwed up, honey. You are dating your mom.  She's caretaking for both you and your boyfriend, who is , as you described, a "cheapskate", "autistic", "unable to drive", etc.   She's well intentioned, but if you want someone who isn't a cheapskate, autistic, unable to drive, and whatever else he lacks, this isn't the one for you.  Don't be mad at your mom, she's well intentioned, if interfering. Give your mom a valentine, then, tell her to back off.  Decide if you can maintain a happy and fulfilling relationship with him, as he is, or not. I do think that your complaint revolves around the quality of the gifts you are getting, and that, in itself, seems rather shallow and undeserving.

T J · Answer

He is getting help from your Mom, many guys have no idea of what to buy. He must have had a talk with your Mom to help him. I think thats very loving and thoughtful of him, wanting you to be happy. You mom must like him too. You are a lucky girl.

Pink Glasses · Answer

No you're not wrong. I probably would've broken up with a guy who won't even spend $20 dollars on me. To be fair if he's autistic then that changes things but realistically is this the type of guy you want to be with long term? If you're a cheapskate too then I can see how that could work, otherwise you should probably call him out on it and if he does it again then leave him

Anonymous · Answer

being autistic is NO excuse not to get your own girlfriend a present on a special occasion. if i have to read about the autism excuse one more time on this website...

anyways. tell her to stay out of your business. why is your boyfriend allowing this? and don't use autism as an excuse.

Nigel · Answer

no your not wrong for that at all, but in reality i see nothing wrong with it, because at least he gives them to you out of his heart no matter who bought them, he could have said yo Mom, you give them to her!

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My boyfriend is “surprising” me with presents that my mom buys for him.?

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