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How do I deal with my gf having good standing relationship with ex/baby daddy? ?
Ok- so we are a blended family. But sometimes I feel like she has the upper hand in things pertaining to what happens with her son, as my son's mother isn't in the picture, and for good reason.my gf will be at home with 3 month old and is a stay-at-home mom essentially. Her baby daddy always seems to be working when she needs him to take her son for an additional day or so during the week, and usually I'm there, but when I come to work he seems to suddenly be available for things she needs. For instance, she needs moving a freezer up upstairs to our apt. On the 2rd floor, and I'm stuck at work, so can't really help right now...i told her to wait until Saturday. She just texts me now saying that he's coming over to help her and her best female friend move the freezer up...not any concern for me like, " hey, is it ok if he swings by really quick to help me move the freezer? He'll come inside only for that, literally a few minutes." No. It's like "he's coming over to help with the freezer". I just feel like ok i understand hes your son's dad, but is there a line to be drawn? Just feel like she overlooks things because she just wants something s done right away and not like 'hey...i should probably keep him out of this. Im with a new guy now and maybe i can ask someone else or wait til my BF is home Saturday to help, as my BF may not appreciate my ex coming into MY home where my BF pays rent. ' or am I overreacting?
3 Answers
- FoofaLv 73 weeks ago
You celebrate that this (very new) single mom isn't haven't to do it all on her own and perhaps you recognize that you can't be in a relationship with someone who is coparenting unless you're supportive of that coparenting. If you haven't gone to court to strip your ex of her parental rights the joke could be on you as she could show up at any time and challenge you for custody. In most cases you can't just pretend a previous partner never existed when you're raising that former partner's child.
- GlassLv 74 weeks ago
The ex is always going to be part of her life, that's what you signed on for. She got him to do free labor for both of you, that should be more amusing than anything. It is good for the kid to see them getting along and helping each other. You need to re-read what you wrote and ask yourself why you see your relationship as a power struggle and feel combative towards her. You are partners, nobody has the upper hand. The point of your relationship is to make each other's lives easier and better, which it sounds like she does. Trust her to handle her business.
- nonchalant_museLv 64 weeks ago
How long have the two of you been together? Is this the first time you're witnessing the ex dropping by to help out, or has this sort of thing been happening more or less since you first began dating your girlfriend?
Here's the thing: your girlfriend co-parents with her son's father. This guy is going to be a permanent fixture in your girlfriend's life because of that. You need to decide if you are okay with the current co-parenting arrangement or if it is a deal breaker for you.
Sure, you can discuss boundaries. You can tell your girlfriend that you're not comfortable with the ex visiting your home when you're not around. If your girlfriend doesn't agree with the proposed boundaries, you need to decide if you can accept that. If you can't, then it's best to walk away from this as the two of you are not compatible with one another: you each have different ideas as to what is acceptable in a co-parenting arrangement.
