My gf seems really keen on having a good relationship w/ ex. ?

Question

She was with him 7 years and they now have a four-year-old. I get it: he's in the picture and it is important that they have a good relationship on behalf of their son. Not a problem. I have expressed to her that what they have is expected since they are both active in his life, but I feel uncomfortable when they decide to go out to lunch together with their son and neither me or his current gf are invited; many times without even being asked how we felt about their doing so. I have expressed to her that I feel that I understand they are friends, but since their relationship ended 2 years ago, we all should commune and be more of a network for him and them. Nearly 1.5 years later, that being the time we've been together, her son is exclusive to our home, and I have yet to even sit down with the guy and his gf, and neither have they offered to at least get to know me (in person)! My gf has a tendency to involve him when I am not around---say, for every day little things like to help move heavy furniture or to help with appointments, etc---and sometimes is inconsiderate about how I feel about when she decides to. For instance, the other day she needed help with her bff to move a new deep freezer into our house, and she asked him last minute if he could come. As I walked into worked and just about after I left home she sends a text saying "he's coming to help really quick", but made no mention of him hanging around inside my house while she went to get it etc

Update:

Asking to see if she is willing for him to come around so much because she still misses him or if she generally has no sense of respect for me or just a general sense of how I should feel about their spontaneous hangouts or whatever

Patricia · Answer

If divorced or separated parents take their child to lunch together, it's for the sake of the child's feelings of security and family.  It has nothing to do with your obvious, dire insecurity.  And if it's all too much for you, then you're with the absolute wrong woman.

T J · Answer

Time for you to move on, so she can go back to him. thats what she wants.

Anonymous · Answer

In this century, it’s weird that this bothers you....

As a person with divorced parents, it’s nice to have lunch with both of them together. Get over yourself. She’s still coming home to you.

And yes, my dad and mom still help each other out. You should be glad they are civil.

Yo · Answer

I would simply tell her you've had enough of the foolishness. Everyone is grown and she nds to let u two meet one on one. That way he knows what kind of person is around his child. I don't see anything wrong with all five on you going to dinner, (her, kid biological father, the child, and his girlfriend. There have to be some boundaries set tho. Remind respectful tho and keep respecting their coparent relationship. I see no reason for them to hang out on a personal level if their child isn't w them. I don't think it's necessary that u or the kid father gf be there w them every time they're doing activities w their son. She has to respect your home. Try counseling about situation. if it doesn't work after couple therapy go your separate ways. Gd luck

Anonymous · Answer

It sounds like an uncomfortable situation, but I'm not sure what you're asking us.

Jeez, dude, why should you expect her to know that it bothers you if you don't explain it to her?

? · Answer

You're expecting to be treated as a family member. You're not a family member, you're a lover.

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My gf seems really keen on having a good relationship w/ ex. ?

6 Answers