How do I get my mother to see she was wrong to bar me from being with my Dad but allow me around a convicted rapist and accused pedophile?

Question

My mother would not let me around my Dad because he had alcoholism. Yet, she allowed me to go to family reunions that her uncle, an accused pedophile, was at. She also made us go most holidays to see her brother's in-laws which include a convicted rapist who we now have learned is a pedophile also. My mother believed her uncle was a pedophile because of an accusation. My grandmother has noted since that the accusation had no credibility to it. At the same time my mother believed her uncle was one and let us around him. 
 
I don't mind having seen these other people but my anger is that I was not allowed around my own Dad who was simply grouchy when drunk. I understand having a 2nd adult there to supervise but not barring me all together from seeing him. I have remained so mad at my Mom for this as she was obviously using me to get him back.

Pearl · Answer

i think she has to see that on her own

Anonymous · Answer

First, simplify this and get the uncles out of it.  They're just background noise and have nothing to do with your mom's horrible choice to separate you from your dad.  What would have been helpful is giving your age and also the timeline of your dad's drinking.  It sounds like he's stopped?

Here's what I do know.  Your mom did the worst thing possible here, but it's also true that your dad could have taken away her power by exercising  his father's rights.  This is where the timeline matters, because if he was drinking during this time, it's more understandable that he didn't do that.  He was fighting a lot of internal demons.  But if he stopped drinking while you were still a minor, that's where he should have done better.

On your question, you won't get her to see this.  I'm sure you love and appreciate her, but it's just fact that most good moms realize the wrongness of using their child as a pawn to get back at their ex.  So this is a character flaw.  What you CAN do if you're an independent adult living on your own is set boundaries where she's not to talk about him ever again.  Make it clear you're establishing your own relationship with him and she is not part of that.  If you aren't an adult on your own yet, this is what you'd do when you get to that point.

T J · Answer

Start seeing your dad and do not tell her. You are right about her using you. Stop going anyplace the pedophiles are, disappear anytime you are suppose to be around them. You can also call CPS and tell them.

ANAL BlTCH · Answer

I bet you got well f ucked as a child?

Patricia · Answer

I understand your struggle but your mother is trying to protect you from harm.  If  your father drove drunk with you in the car, you could end up dead... and if he's a grouchy drunk, this could damage you emotionally.  If he decides to take punch or hit you in any way, you could be seriously injured.  While i don't know your father at all, i will say i was raised around a drunken father who emotionally damaged our entire family and took his rage out on me by physically abusing me for years.  It has left scars.

You can make your own decisions about seeing your father when you are of age  That would be 18 years old.  You're free to do so then, by law.

I'm sorry i may have sounded like a downer or as if i am  taking sides with your mom,, but the truth is, i am speaking from personal experience.

As far as the uncle is concerned, as long as you were supervised in the company of safe adults while your Uncle was around, then he would never do anything to you, i'm sure.  Still, it wasn't the best decision to have you or any kids around him.  I agree

Trending News

How do I get my mother to see she was wrong to bar me from being with my Dad but allow me around a convicted rapist and accused pedophile?

5 Answers