English Guy

if I am 61 year old male and didn't even go to that school.

Hope a brolly is in the luggage bag.

would ship yards just build cruse ships and dump them somewhere.

Also, do you have any idea how they are slaughtered. No silly answers please, just sensible ones.

I walked into my kitchen a couple of days ago, and there was nearly strawberry jam all over the walls. Then I noticed the white writing on my kitchen window. It was all just scrawl and unreadable. In fact it looked just like Pigeon sh!t. To tell the truth, I think it was pigeon sh!t. Pots and pans were all over the place. They were still on their hooks but I thought they should have hung down a bit straighter than that, well one of them anyway. It was then that I heard the noise. It was coming from the wall near the clock. It was very faint but I could just make out "Tick Tock. Anyway, It was just past 12 and I had not put the light on. I didn't have to really as it was quite a sunny day, so I had lunch and read the paper. So do you think I should get a priest in?

I am absolutely sick of it. "Shoot for broons" I get that a lot "You fit blistered" That one gets on my nerves. "Go flick your muger you strapid fit pug" The personal attacks are the worst. I put a note through his own door for his mothers attention. I explained what he was up to as she is at work until late. She replied with a note that I found the next morning. It said " My sin wood nut do such a thong so go flick your shelf you fit twot" I never realised that she also had it. I came across a book on dyslexia yesterday. It was written by a dyslexic and I thought it may help, so I have popped it through their door. It is called "Dyslexia for begonias.

The guy said "What watt" I said "Can I have a light bulb, you stuttering git.

I have a glass tank with a couple of snakes in it. I decided to look after my pals mice whilst he went on holiday. I put them in the same tank. The snakes do not share this ability as they are still there, but the mice are gone. i bought a couple of replacements but they also passed through the glass and got away in the middle of the night. Explain that one Einstein?

Simply piss in the sink.

this will guarantee that you won't hit the snooze button and go back to sleep.

you can make their eyes bulge and they will swim in an amusing way.