Been here before

I have been working a full time (36 hours/week) third shift position for 2.5 years. My husband works full time (40+ hours/week) 1st shift. I recently started going to school again. I'm working on my master's degree. I have almost finished one semester. I still have 3 to go. Along with my school curriculum I am required to work an internship 16 hours per week.

I like my job and it is very rewarding. My husband and I make about the same amount of money, but I just can't balance it all anymore. I really want to get my degree! The problem is that we depend on both incomes to survive.

How do I tell him that I just can't take the pressure anymore and it's either my school or my job without sounding selfish? He has taken over so much so that I can do this and I feel terrible asking for more from him. He has already taken over all of the housework (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc). We don't have kids to do it, so he does it all and he seems so proud that I am working so hard and doing so well. How can I tell him that it's an illusion and I'm about to crack?

I was a bit hungover today and vomited this afternoon. It was only once, but it was fairly severe and it was a lot because I had been drinking a lot of water all day. Ever since then, my voice has been pretty much gone. My throat doesn't hurt at all, but is it possible to hurt your voice from vomiting?

Obviously, you always know, intellectually, that no one is perfect. You may even know that they snore or leave dirty dishes in the sink.

What I'm talking about is when you realize that no matter how much you love each other, and no matter how good your intentions are, you will inevitably hurt each other on some level.

I asked a question on here a few days ago about my husband being flirted with at a bar while he was out with a friend. I received several great responses, mostly that I should be grateful that my husband told me and just forget about it because he's a good, honest man.

I honestly believe that is true and I have no reason to distrust him. However, today he gave me more details about the "incident". He said he didn't tell me initially because he didn't want to tell me on the phone. Initially he had told me that she was flirting with him and he responded by telling her he was married and to leave him alone. However, today he told me that it actually escalated to the point where she actually grabbed his crotch. At that point, he told everyone goodbye and left the bar.

I have no doubt he did the right thing, but I still feel a sense of personal violation. We didn't discuss it much further because I don't know how to react. I don't feel like I should be mad at him (he did the right thing by walking away), but I AM angry!

I feel like there is a way this can be resolved without a lot of confrontation, but I have no idea how to bring it up to him again (or find out more info) without seeming jealous and accusing. I really need help! What can I do?

I work nights on the weekends and usually my husband stays home. Occasionally (like tonight) he will go out. Tonight he went out with a friend from work who brought along several other people.

He just called me a few minutes ago very upset telling me about someone who was in the group (a girl he didn't know) that flirted with him the enitre night. She was dancing seductively and asking him directly to go home with her.

Anyway, he told me about this...said that it was going on the entire night and he seemed really upset about it. He said that he has a "knot in his stomach" over the whole situation, but he said that nothing happened. He was wearing his wedding band and said he referenced the fact that he was married several times through the course of the night.

Since he told me I feel like there's nothing I really need to worry about. Is there?

I haven't spoken to my father since Christmas. On Christmas, my husband and I were short with each other a couple of times (really stupid, basic spousal bickering) and late in the evening, my dad found me without my husband.

He proceeded to insult our relationship, telling me that my husband doesn't treat me well (he does! Like I said, basic bickering) and he continued to other aspects of my life. He ranted about the fact that I haven't started graduatee school yet (I took a year off after undergrad for various reasons...mostly needed a break) and that I work anight shiftt job in a field that is only vaguely related to my degree.

I tried to explain to him that my husband and I were just tired and having an off day, that I needed to take a break from school and the year off was good for me, and that until I get my graduate degree it is basically impossible for me to get an ideal job in my field.

He didn't want to hear any of it....just basically attacked my entire life then said, "I've said what I need to say" and walked away leaving me crying on the couch. My husband is furious! I'm angry, but I don't know what to do. They have always been good parents. My dad is a good man, but very stubborn and it's useless to try to talk to him.

I haven't spoken to him since Christmas except to tell my mom "Tell Dad I said hi" or "Tell dad I love him" when we are on the phone. I don't even know if he is aware I'm still upset, but my mom is pressuring me to visit again soon and I don't know if I can face him.

What should I do?

My husband and I have been looking into computers. We love the Apple, but it's more than we'd like to spend (and more than we would ever need!). We're looking for a moderately priced computer (something in $500-$700 range) that would be good for basic media, such as digital pictures, playing music etc. and also would be good for word processing and office use, and I am a graduate student.

I've been looking everywhere, and I'm pretty confused. Any suggestions? I'm pretty sure that we've ruled out Dell.

I remember a long time ago I heard about Solange Knowles getting married when she was only 16 or 17, and in a recent interview I heard her mention her son, but I never heard her mention anything about a husband.

Did she divorce? Does anyone know the circumstances? I'm just curious.

My husband and I were discussing our relationship the other night. I told him I thought the biggest problem in our relationship is that after arguments, he is much quicker to forgive and forget. After a huge argument, he will be ready to make up in a couple of hours, while it takes me a lot longer.

The problem is that he assumes that because he's over it, I'm over it too and starts going "What's wrong?" "Why are you acting like this?" etc. I told him that he should be more patient and that my forgiveness will come when I'm ready.

His response was (exact quote) "If the problem is that I love you more than you love me, I'm okay with that". Then he kissed the top of my head and layed down. I have no idea if he was serious and really thinks that I'm slower to forgive because I love him less, or if he was just joking to lighten up the conversation.

What do you think?

Recently, I have been having regular dreams about the last guy that I dated before my husband. It's on an almost nightly basis. In the dreams, I am still with this ex. Sometimes we are happy; sometimes we are angry; sometimes he is completely irrelevant to the dream but simply takes the place of my husband in my ordinary life.

I feel extremely guilty about having these dreams. I am happily married, and when I wake up and see my husband sleeping next to me or getting ready for work I feel awful because in my dreams, I was with another man.

I have both happy and unhappy memories of my ex, of course, but it has been 3 years since I've seen him. He is also happily married now.

Unfortunately I can't recall specific dream details right now, but why is he showing up in my dreams now, four months after I get married?

I'm curious about what everyone thinks about having dreams about an ex while you are happily married. In the dreams, you're obviously still with the ex: somethimes happy, sometimes not.

I feel seriously guilty about this.

Recently it has been brought to my attention (rather rudely) that my husband (of four months) and I are fairly dependent on one another. For our entire relationship we have spent all of our free time together.

The problem is that now he has a new job in which he is gone almost all the time. He leaves between 8:30 and 9:00 every morning and doesn't get home until between 10:30 and 11:30 at night. This is 5 days a week and he works until about 7:00 on saturdays. He loves his jjob and is working really hard to help us get "on top of things" Ifinancially. I also work, three days a week (Thursday-Saturday) at night, starting at 7:00 pm and I get off at 7:00 am.

This is causing a serious problem between us because, frankly, I miss him. We rarely spend quality time together and even on Sundays when he is home I'm very tired from working the night before. I don't want to complain to him because I don't want to make him feel guilty about trying to get us into a good place financially (and because I did that already, and it just caused us to argue). I do think that it's good for us to be spending time apart, learning to live independently of each other, but I worry that if we continue to do this for too long, we will cross the line between being "independent" and completely living separate lives.

Those of you who have been married longer than me (which is pretty much everyone! lol) can you please give us some advice on how to balance this situation?

(Sorry this is so long...I just wanted to be clear what the situation is.)

When my fiance and I had been dating just a couple of months I noticed that in his online profile under the question "What are you looking for" his answer was "Nothing. If there is a perfect girl I've found her, and someday she will be my perfect wife"

I thought this was incredibly sweet, but didn't think there was any way he could be so sure so soon. How soon in the relationship did you know that your wife was "the one"?

My fiance is Lutheran, and I was raised Baptist. I have been going to a Lutheran church with him, and I've noticed that quite a few of the rituals are very different. Does anyone know anything about the specific theological/doctrine differences between the two denominations?

Does a man have a right to have a say in the decision to have an abortion or not? I give my opinion. What do you think?

Just because it's in a woman's body, it shouldn't be left entirely up to the woman to decide. If the guy wants to keep it, let him keep it with absolutely no help or support from the woman. If the woman wants to keep it against the guy's wishes, let her keep it and support it completely by herself.

A baby is made by two people. One person should not be allowed to destroy it without the permission of the other person. On the other hand, if only one party wants to keep the baby, they should do it completely alone without any form of help or support from the other party.

Is it wrong to check up on your man when he goes out without you?

I was at work and he went out with a mutual friend (a guy). He told me where he was, who he was with, and what he was doing, but I had a bad feeling. So I waited until he called me and told me he was on his way home and I called the friend to verify that the story was true. It was true, and I now know I can trust him.

Tonight, the friend got a little drunk and let it slip that I made that call.

My guy called and asked me if it was true, and when I confirmed he was very hurt and kept insisting "I would never do that to you". I don't feel I did anything wrong. Because of the confirmation that he was being truthful, it solidified my trust in him. Was it wrong? Should I apologize? I thought it was harmless.

I'm just curious if there is anyone in here whose spouse drives a truck and is gone overnight regularly. My fiance recently got his class-A CDL for a job that he is currently working (driving delivery truck) and he's thinking about getting a job driving over-the-road after we are married to bring in more money. I can't imagine him being gone 5 nights a week. It's hard for me to picture being away from him that much.

Is it as bad as I'm imagining that it's going to be? What are some tricks that help to make it easier? Just curious if there was someone who has been there (or is there) and has any good advice for me.

I spoke to the pastor who is performing our ceremony. Because of distance issues we are going to have another pastor (closer to our home) perform our pre-marital counseling. I think we've found someone to do it, but I'm just curious what to expect. We're supposed to do three sessions before the wedding and one after. What should I expect?

I work nights on the weekend, and my fiance used to pretty much stay at home, play video games and watch TV. I was fine with that.

(Bear with me here, please!) Last weekend when he decided to go to a party at a friend's house, I tried to be okay with it and trust him even though I knew that there were "easy" girls at the party and I knew that he would be drinking. I never mentioned a word of jealousy or suspicion because I know that's the kiss of death for a relationship if he isn't cheating.

Saturday night he went out again with a mutual friend. He said they were at a gay bar (our friend is gay) and then went to eat and came straight home.

Again, last night he went out. He said he was going to one friend's house, but when I called he was leaving his fraternity house and then later called and said he was with the gay friend again (not who he originally said he would be with).

(continued)

Yesterday my cat acted very strangely. She was sleeping on the couch. I sat on the floor in front of the couch. She suddently sat up and started growling, hissing, and biting her front paw. She wasn't acknowledging me at all, just continuously attacking her paw. I called her name several times before she finally stopped, looked at me, meowed, stretched and went on as if nothing happened. Throughout her "fit" her eyes were open, but she didn't acknowledge me calling her name.

I expressed concern to my fiance, and he said he thought it was a nightmare, no big deal. Then last night while I was at work, (according to him) she sat and continuously licked the tip of her tail (about an inch down to the tip) for several minutes (don't know how many...I wasn't there) until it was soaking wet. Then she acted normally again.

What could be going on here? We're taking her to the vet this week. Is there anything specifically we should get checked out?