andy

Is it simply because liquids are the best conductors of electricity?

I read "He's Just Not That Into You". A worryingly accurate and lucid book but one that hardly explains WHY he's eventually not just into you!!!

For me - I hate it when the girlfriend comes out with: "Do you love me?" and "Do you miss me?" - sorry girls - but it's nauseating, needy, completely uncalled for and a huge, huge turn-off!!! After all - we're predatory males - and we always like to at least believe that we're chasing the uncatchable ... not stumbling upon a dead carcass. It's the hunt not the kill that makes us tick. Any other turn-offs out there?

I've often thought how nice it would be to undergo taxidermy once my time is up. I think the grandkids would like it for a start - for example, just sitting in the armchair, watching whatever they want to watch on television without ever asking them to hand over the remote control.

To me it'd be a lot more productive than just being buried or cremated ... and then just being forgotten about over time.

Are there any organisations that would help me 'taxiderm' myself?

Only serious answers please!

Andy

The next door neighbor actually has a couple of cats - and aside from them adding to the depletion of native wildlife - they're constantly digging up a small garden patch that I'm trying to grow potatoes, herbs and tomatoes in for the kids ... I want the kids to appreciate nature and learn something ... but these cats are constantly spoiling the party, leave excrement that attracts flies and can't be hygienic and just up-rooting all the seeds that we've planted ... I could talk to the next door neighbors but I don't think it'll do much good - short of locking the cats in the apartment ... which wouldn't be practical. I've covered the garden with wire - but resent the fact that I have to do so simply because of these cats! I tried sprinkling pepper powder on the garden too - but that didn't work.

Okay. It's a bit of a generalisation! But I believe it's true.

More disturbingly (?) - what does this tell us about the female of our species?!

I fancy this bird but she has a boyfriend. I know I'm better than him in all departments and realise that if I did manage to break up their 5 year relationship - she'd ultimately be thankful.

Please help. I know you're on my side.

I'm fed up with Flora.

As well as 'Ti t Brain Rage'!

How about your own country?!

Which country would that be?

I've tried everything except church music but the girlfriend remains unimpressed and would like to know of a musical track that has moments of quick tempo followed by slow rhythmic tomes.

I thought I'd found it with my new album - Military Theme Tunes but the Dambusters tune was a bit overbearing.

Anyone have any ideas?

I'm trying to think of something that presents me as a sensitive guy but also sends a clear message that our 5 year relationship needs to come to an end.

I considered a cactus - or a packet of seeds that enable her to grow something else but I really am at my wit's end.

Any suggestions would be most welcome.

Personally I hate buying toilet rolls - you can't hide the multi-packs and if you only buy one people either think you're tight @rsed, in a gastro-hurry or live alone and therefore have no friends.

I do always buy the ones with the small dog on - on the outside chance that people might just think that I'm buying them for a puppy.

What things make you cringe?!

Personally, I'd say yes. For environmental reasons.

They consume more, they wear more fabrics, they place added strain on the health service, more fuel for travel and, in general, are less productive.

Okay - so the question is not 'politically correct' and there are a few medical exceptions - but when you weigh things up - in the cold light of day - shouldn't we really be penalising these people?

... there that scares the living daylights out of you ... or at least puts you off considering a relationship ... what would it be?!

For me - it'd be the sight of a bottle of wine. Every female home wine drinker that I've ever met has always proved to be over-fussy, materialistic, moody, demanding and quite frankly - a right royal pain in the hass!

How about you?!

I bought this on VHS ... and then lent it out ... it has to be one of the best shows I've seen!

Does anyone know of if, or when, a DVD version was ... or will be .... released?!

Where there's a will there must surely be a way!

Any smart ideas?