Sofiakat

And i found her on FB. My kids were taken from her and made crown wards when my son was 3 and my daughter was 18 months due to drug addiction, domestic violence, and neglect. This woman has never been far from my mind over the past 8 years while raising the these two beautiful and special children. In my heart, and in my mind, I have always felt that it was extremely important to my son and daughter to know her. Upon finding her on FB I discovered she currently has another son less than two years of age and that my kids mom looks healthy and happy. Should I contact her? I always promised my son I would help him find her the minute he turned 18. I would like to send her pictures and let her know that they are happy and that they never, for one moment, forgot her. I want her to know that she has never been erased and that they both pray that she has beaten her addiction. I am so confused. I don't want to bring up old wounds for her either. Do you think she would want to know, and to know that they eventually want to meet her, and that my son wants a relationship with her in a few years? Do you think she would find it an intrusion?

I have put off getting my kids new birth certificates for 3 years. I now have no choice as I need them to get their health cards. Without applying for the birth certificates I have been informed that CAS is still their address and CAS will have to extend it by two years for them to get their health cards. What the heck? Does that even make sense? They have been officially adopted for 2 years.

I told my adoption worker that I am having a hard time filing for the damn things because they are a lie. That I have done everything I can to be honest and truthful and respectful of my kids mother and that I feel erasing her off their birth certificate and "pretending" to have given birth to them is just wrong. She then informed me that by not doing so they will have no I.D, cannot get a passport, cannot get a health card, will have issues with the school board, etc, etc.

Does anyone have any ideas how we can get around this???

After reading another post about chronic health issues and adoption, I would like to hear what everyone's opinion is on this matter...

For example, if you are deaf or blind is it okay to adopt?

If you have M.S or another debilitating illness, that cannot be resolved through health care, is it okay to adopt?

If the quality of your life is less than 75% of what it should be, what are the ramifications for your adopted child?

If you have chronic depression, is it okay to adopt/

Do you think they are members of this community in guise?

Do you think they are really in pain?

Do you think they are just kids with to much time on their hands?

I thought it interesting that one of them uses the word "adopter" almost like a swear word...hmmm, which makes me wonder because it wasn't very long ago we had a few threads on appropriate adoption language..

They just seem especially hurtful in their questions and commentary. Almost as if they know just what buttons to push to cause anger and pain...not just your normal troll-like behaviour...just makes me wonder what you all think.

I find it very offensive that when I apply for my kids b.c it will look like I gave birth to them. THis is a lie. I really feel very uncomfortable about this. What is wrong with the truth? Does anyone know if I can get their original bc instead of the new falsified one? I am in Ontario, Canada. Who would I contact. I need to get them pronto as I have to get them their new healthcards.

I saw the worm. It looked like a pin worm. The rats are about 2 months old.

um they have been living together for over a year. They always loved each other and slept together and groomed each other and were respectful to each other. Today my two males got into a scuffle and there was a couple of small marks on my dumbo. Should I seperate them

My daughter is now four and has been with us since she was 18 months. I talk a lot about my son on here and rarely about my daughter because my son has RADs and I obviously need a lot more advice in his direction.

They are natural siblings.

We have always discussed adoption with the kids as my son was 3 and VERY aware of his situation when he came to live with us as a foster child. Now, many of these conversations were with my son, but in front of my daughter.

Note also, that we have a picture of their mom on our fridge and she is holding both children.

Mom was very attached to my son and apparently not at all to his sister. Her neglect was much more severe as during her gestation moms drug use was a much more severe and even more after the birth. THeir visits were supervised because mom was considered a flight risk but only with my son, not my daughter. They truly believed that she might "kidnap" him and not my daughter.

Here is my question:

My daughter refuses to believe that she is adopted. She often taunts my son that he has another mom and that I am really her mom and not his. I have corrected this idea numerous times, but it keeps coming up. I have told her the story of how she came to us, and she seems really interested and happy to hear the story, but at the same time, she insists that I am her belly mom no matter how many times I tell her that she grew in another woman.

Is she ignoring the truth on purpose or is it just her age?

She accepts that she had a foster mom before me, but refuses to accept her natural mom even though we are super careful to not talk in negatives about her, and clearly support my son's love for his mother in front of her.

Even though she knows that the lady in the picture is her mother, when I ask her "who is that?" she says a strange lady. I can point out another picture of a cousin she met once for 20 minutes and she will know that persons name even though she has not seen that cousin since she first came to live with us.

My instincts are telling me there is something more to this than meets the eye, but I am not sure what to do about it.

Should I push the issue with her?

What do you think is going on in her little head?

Is she just trying to torture her brother ( he gets very upset when she makes comments like "strange lady" and "mommy is not your mommy she is my mommy. you have a different mommy.")

Please help me to figure this out because I seriously want to do the best I can for her.

On a side note, there are 7 other children in her JK class that are adopted as well. When I told her that, she said "Oh like my brother."

I responded by saying "yes, and like you."

She looked at me straight in the eye and growled at me. She growled. Like my cat does when he is angry at my other cat.

I asked her if she was mad like Dorie our cat and she responded by hissing at me.

I asked her why she was angry and she then told a joke about farts and laughed and hugged me and walked away pretending to fart (she is 4 after all)

ps. Nice to see you back Andraya :)

the child is taken and parental rights are revoked, does that mean that the AP is still held responsible for the pain of the mother too?

Would those against adoption also be angry at an AP in this situation as well?

Sometimes I lose perspective. Sometimes I feel hopeless. Sometimes I just don't know what to do any more to help my son.

Then I come on here and I read so much anger and hate from adoptees and all I can see is a big magnifying glass pointed straight at my son. Like he is represented in all of those other adoptees.

It seems no matter how much we love him, no matter how much we try, he will never heal from RADs. No matter how much we discuss his mother, no matter how much he says or doesn't say, no matter how we try to help him, or give him space to grieve, or give him help to heal, he still screams from the inside out in one way or another, whether it be through violence, or anger, or deceitfulness, or destruction.

Sometimes I go into his room at night and just sleep beside him, because this is the only time he is peaceful. I look at him and see so much more than the anger and hatefulness, and pray that I am not just seeing what I hope is there.

I have never given up on him. I never want to. But God, if it all for nothing, if he is never happy, if he never will be happy, than what do I do then?

I never expected him to be anything he is not. I only expected the potential for him to have a future not full of hate.

Does anyone else ever just feel lost?

My mother in law seems to believes that we should not discipline our son at all. As many of you already know, he has Reactive Attachment Disorder and one of the keys to helping to control the out of control behavior is to have clear boundries and known punishment. (ie. If you punch another hole in the wall, I will give you a 10 minute time out and take away your Gameboy.) My mother in law is doing everything she can to sabotage any form of discipline we use. She does not say much to me, but openly fights infront of our son, with my husband, to the point of yelling and crying. Even a small time out sets her off and she often goes behind are back and "comforts" him. Then he repeats the infraction all over again because "nanny lets him."

It is really driving a wedge between my husband and his mother. It is also to much for one little boy to carry on his shoulders. Thank God she lives 8 hours away so it is only a concern when we are together. I have literally had to walk into a room during a fight to tell them to both stop because R does not need to hear any of this.

My son and daughter love their grandpa and nanny very much. I am at a loss for what to do. Her theory is when he is misbehaved we should just look the other way and hug him. OMG! When a child of almost 6 is pooping into his hand and rubbing it all over the walls or exposing his penis on the school bus to junior kindergarden kids, I am suppose to ignore it??? He at least needs to be spoken to and have a time out!

Does anyone have any insight???

Will my new African Soft Fur Rats get along with my Dumbos and Fancies? I am not sure if they will mix okay. I generally free-range my rats for two or three hours a day and would like to do the same with my new ASF ratties, but need to know if they are gonna eat each other up...

What is with all the horrible questions tonight?

Seriously?

Does anyone know how i can pick a baby at the baby adoption center that is full of pregnant mothers who really do not want there babies and is full of men who will marry me so i can be a parent?

OMG!

It seems that is wrong to want to parent a child that is not your flesh and blood(apparently it makes you a baby/child stealer).

It seems that it is wrong to want to parent if you are unable to get pregnant (apparently this makes you need to adopt a puppy lol)

It seems that you are wrong if you want to help children without a home (you are a martyr doing it for the kudos)

It seems that you are wrong no matter what you do.... even in situations where the child cannot go back to the natural family because the only place where a child can be truly happy is in a natural family.

So what is the right motive?

My motive was I wanted to be a parent...the most natural feeling in the world, biologically driven and chose adoption. Is this wrong too?

I am just curious as why responses to single men looking to adopt often elicits negative responses from commentors.

I freely admit that when I see them, I get a little weirded out myself, but I generally read all the comments, and wonder why it is that men are often assumed as pervs when they want to adopt without a spouse/lifepartner.

I have sorta soulsearched my own reaction to it, and the only thing I can come up with is, it is an automatic reaction which I personally need to figure out.

Is it societal? Is it instinctual? What is it?

Upon recieving my kids unidentifying disclosure documents, I discovered that they have a half sister by their father with a different mother. I also discovered recently that their mother had another child a year after they were adopted, who died two months later. He was a boy.

The kids are 5 and 4 right now. I have never told them this aspect of their heritage or adoption. I am very unsure of when they should know this information. I certianly do not want them to be shocked by it in later years or feel that I kept something from them. Part of me feels that I should wait until they are much older, another part of me thinks that maybe it should just be included in their adoption story now. I will definetly tell them eventually, but am unsure of when. As far as I know they have never met their older sister, and they did not meet their brother for sure. Any ideas, or thoughts on when and how?

I have 4 rats. One I got two days ago and is about 7 weeks. Buddy is 1 year, Baby is 6mths, Honey is 4mths, and Sweetie is 7wks. Baby is the alpha, Buddy is a close second. Baby power grooms Buddy often. Honey just hit puberty. Up until today, they all coexisted in a large enclosure the size of two very large chinchilla cages. Everything was pretty peaceful. Honey and Buddy got into a fight. They both have marks, Bud fairing the worse with a big chunk out of his butt. I have split the two cages apart. What do I do now. They still all love each other, but Honey is so hormonal and keeps nipping and picking on Bud ( a little on Baby). Should I keep em together? Should I seperate forever? Should I only let Honey and Bud play when they are being supervised? Should I house Honey with Baby or Baby and Buddy alone. When I put Sweetie in when he is big enough, should I just put him in with Honey so Honey can be his alpha? Why isnt Baby stopping the fight between the other two. I have seen him do it before during a little tiff that happened during free-roam play time. Urg! I really don't want to keep them seperated. What can I do? Who should I put with who?

Today, my five year old son and I were talking about his mom. During the conversation he said "I will never see her again."

I told him that when he was an adult he would see her again.

He asked if I would drive him, and I said yes.

I am a little freaked out by the ramifications this will have on him emotionally. Right after we discussed it, he felt the need to tell me that I was his favorite mom. I responded by telling him that it is okay to have two favorite moms as we both have different jobs in his life. Is this an example of an adoptee worried about hurting an ap's feelings?

We always have had open discussions about his mom, we keep a picture of her on the fridge.

He asked me what I thought about her and I told her that I thought she was pretty, and smart, and a good person who made wrong choices.

Sometimes it is so hard to know what to say.

Can anyone tell me how they would have handled this situation? I would really like some input.

My childrens' mom had her kids taken by CAS and they were made Crown Ward No Access after a year of her struggling to get off drugs. If she gets free of drugs, I would like to consider opening the adoption.

Now, if the courts made her "no access" is it my right to give her access?

I truly believe that if she was healthy, then this would be much better for my son. I think it would be hard at first but it may help his RADS if she were able to be a positive person in his life.

Can I legally do this?

I live in Ontario Canada.

Should I do this?